January
“If we thought the new rules were going to make a wonderful spectacle ... it’s still the same old football. Although, last year Armagh had 15 behind the ball, now it’s only 12.” At least Peter Canavan found one positive in Gaelic football’s rule tweaks.
“I started off at 18 months old, in a nappy, on a magnetic board. I’ve come a long way.” He has too - Luke Littler after becoming world darts champions at the age of just 17.
“There were a lot of people who were super drunk. But one of the greatest things about being a professional athlete is that the people who hate you, who buy a ticket, actually pay your bills. It’s all going towards the Danielle Collins Fund.” The American responding, rather excellently, to unmerciful booing and taunting during her Australian tennis Open win over local favourite Destanee Aiava.
“I believe so, sincerely - I’ve never seen anyone better. I say it from my heart: the most complete player that’s ever existed.” Cristiano Ronaldo not quite tuning in to that ‘self-praise is no praise’ business.
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February
“Ireland thrived on the needle-sharp incisiveness of Jamison Gibson-Park at scrumhalf, James Lowe on the wing, Mack Hansen on the other wing, Bundee Aki in midfield – and they were also well served by the odd Irish-born player.” The Sunday Times’ Stephen Jones with a (yet another) miaow in Ireland’s direction after their 27-22 win over England.
“Real Madrid cannot beat Manchester City. If they beat City, I will cut off my testicles!” Sergio Aguero left with some pruning to do after Madrid did indeed beat City in the Champions League.
“I felt like I had to smash two or three espressos there in the second half, England were so boring I was falling asleep.” Jamie Heaslip with the most Jamie Heaslip-ish utterance ever after the Calcutta Cup match at Twickenham.
“Every time I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be an oncoming train.” Ange Postecoglou not quite loving life at Spurs (he was put of his misery in June when he was sacked).
March
“He was not exactly Franz Beckenbauer. He was barely even Franz Ferdinand. He was a poor left-back. Stephen Kenny had it right when he called him ‘an empty vessel’. To be perfectly blunt, he can f**k off.” Eamon Dunphy responding to Ian Harte’s less than positive remarks about the League of Ireland, as only Eamon Dunphy can.
“It’s a joke to be honest with you the way it’s gone. It’s a mix of outdoor basketball with a breeze, soccer-style defending with 11 behind the ball, and a bit of rugby thrown in for a few scrums around the middle. God forbid we forget our rugby brethren.” Meath manager Robbie Brennan not quite sold on Gaelic football’s new rules just yet.
“It was almost the first line at Mass - ‘we’ll pray for the five-in-a-row and we’ll move on down to matters of life and death’.” Limerick hurling manager John Kiely on the county losing the run of itself in 2024 during the drive-for-five.
“In Dundalk, I don’t think you can consider it too much. I don’t want to go missing or anything.” Republic of Ireland debutant Jimmy Dunne on why he didn’t opt to play for Northern Ireland, the place of his mother’s birth.
April
“In my eyes, I’d just done this thing that I wanted to do my whole life. There was a lot of pent up emotion that just came out on the 18th green. But a moment like that makes all of the years and close calls worth it. It’s the best day of my golfing life. I have literally made my dreams come true.” Rory McIlroy after winning his first Masters, thereby becoming just the sixth man to complete the Grand Slam.
“Jesus, that’s crazy. But there are lads on the Meath team who are Dubs. We will take that, that’s Dublin’s second team after beating us there. We help the border counties in and around us, you know.” Philly McMahon pointing to the positive side of Dublin’s first Leinster championship defeat in 15 years, while ensuring he could never enter Meath again.
“A peach of a drop goal. I was thinking, ‘that little f**ker’.” Ronan O’Gara on the Jack Crowley score that ultimately sealed Munster’s Champions Cup win over La Rochelle.
“He set the standard for all of us and we’re only trotting after him.” Kerry manager Jack O’Connor on the legend that was Mick O’Dwyer, who died in April at the age of 88.
May
“You have players like Jordie Barrett, one of the greatest to ever play the game. You have the likes of Hugo Keenan and James Lowe and all we’re seeing is them kicking the ball. It’s like having Ferraris and using them to spread silage.” How impressed was Donncha O’Callaghan by Leinster’s tactical approach last season? Not very.
“It is daunting, not being able to say that I am a jockey any more. But I feel so incredibly lucky to have had the career I’ve had. To have been in the right place at the right time with the right people, and to have gotten on the right horses. They have given me the best days of my life.” Jockey Rachael Blackmore announcing her retirement after her 16-year career.
“I guess I would say Quail Hollow is like a Kardashian - it’s very modern, beautiful and well-kept, but it lacks a soul or character.” Hunter Mahan on his somewhat mixed feelings about the 2025 US PGA Championship course.
“Hard to believe it’s not an episode of Father Ted.” Paul Galvin on the interminable Skorts issue.
June
“It’s mad how fast you can go from despising people to hanging around to go for a coffee with them. He’s definitely someone that surprises you that he’s not a dickhead.” Dan Sheehan on discovering during the Lions tour that Ellis Genge is, well, bearable.
“Shows how shit you’ve all been if I’m winning this.” Robbie Brady’s message to his team-mates after he won the FAI’s player of the year award.
“Where in the name of God have these Meath players come from?” Tomás Ó Sé on Meath rising from the dead in 2025, beating Galway to reach the All-Ireland semi-finals.
“I climbed my Everest in April and after you do something like that, you’ve got to make your way back down, and you’ve got to look for another mountain to climb.” Rory McIlroy on struggling to feel massively motivated after that Masters triumph.
July
“I can’t believe this is my life – I’m heading a show in Madison Square Garden, an all-female card. Looking back at the whole journey, what an amazing ride. These are the nights I dreamed of as a kid.” Katie Taylor after she beat Puerto Rico’s Amanda Serrano for the third time in their trilogy at a sold-out Madison Square Garden in New York.
“I’m convinced if you dipped David Clifford in concrete, put it up to his waist, let it harden and wrapped him in chains, he’d still be unmarkable.” The BBC’s Mark Sidebottom after the Kerry lad’s performance against Tyrone in the All-Ireland semi-final.
“When I first went over to Galway I was expecting there wouldn’t be any lightbulbs. I thought it would be all candlelight and stuff like that. So I was pleasantly surprised when I got over there. I love Galway now, I love it.” Mack Hansen on arriving in Connacht in 2021 armed with torches.
“My mother probably has the rosary beads swallowed at this stage, and my father has probably the cows milked three times.” Tipp manager Liam Cahill after his side came back from the dead to beat Cork in the hurling All Ireland final.
August
“I don’t pause to reflect, to be honest. I don’t have time. I think that’s going to come when I set the racket aside and then sip margaritas on the beach with Federer and Nadal.” Novak Djokovic insisting there’s life in the old dog yet, beach bums Roger and Rafa will have to wait for his company.
“Why is the word palindrome not a palindrome?” asks TNT Sport’s Ally McCoist. That’s a bloody good question.
“There is of course the other elephant in the room - finance. The GAA is now like a dog chasing its tail, or maybe more accurately a dog chasing parked cars. It can’t just keep expanding or it will soon be like the HSE.” Colm O’Rourke advising the GAA to cut back a touch on its spending.
“I want to live to 100 because I just love life. I’ve got a young girlfriend - how about that, at 90, finding a girlfriend? I went to India and I met a gerontologist, and he gave me 11 things to work on, which I adhere to. So I might drop dead tomorrow, but I’m giving it a hell of a try.” Gary Player on bring rejuvenated by his “toy girl” - who’s 84.
September
“I always believed I could do it, but it’s one thing believing and another actually going out and doing it. I’m getting very used to winning medals and I don’t really want to give that up. You can bet next year I’ll be back and looking to win some more.” Kate O’Connor after becoming the first Irish athlete to win a multi-events medal when she struck silver at the World Championships in Japan.
“When I woke up I had sick all down my arms, all down my shirt. When I looked in the mirror I had sick on my face and in my beard.” How did Tyrrell Hatton celebrate after Luke Donald confirmed to him that he had made Europe’s Ryder Cup team? A touch too lustily.
“We should respect Armenia. It’s like Iceland when we go to Eurovision - we always think we have the best song, but we never get past the qualifying round.” Heimir Hallgrímsson before that calamitous defeat in Yerevan. But while Ireland won’t make the Eurovision next year, there’s still a chance they’ll get to the World Cup.
“Choker!” “Leprechaun!” “Overrated!” “Take out the Irish trash!” “Rory, don’t let your boyfriend down!” “You suck!” “You fat f**k!” “Ozempic!” “Have you patched things up with the Mrs?” “F*** you Rory!” Some of the politer hollers directed at Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry during the Ryder Cup at Bethpage. (“Can we play you every week,” the European supporters replied.)
October
“Kelly’s just Kelly. She’s a ditz off the pitch, but on it, the only thing she sees is goals. She’s like a golden retriever - she’s just like, ‘ball’!” Kayleigh Shine on her Athlone Town team-mate Kelly Brady after she scored a hat-trick in the FAI Cup final.
“I met him and said ‘how’s the form’. Next day, he said, ‘I thought you were asking me how the farm was’. He was like, ‘do I tell him how many cattle I have?’” Peter O’Mahony on his Cork accent leaving Kiwi Sam Cane stumped when they bumped in to each other.
“What about integrity? Well, I did integrity for over a decade. People’s opinions aren’t going to put food on my table. At the end of the day, money is what makes the world go around.” Irish swimmer Shane Ryan on signing up for next year’s Enhanced Games where competitors are allowed use performance-enhancing drugs.
“Oh God, one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. We fought through everything, we are Irish so we never give up. As soon as the goal went in I was like ‘wow’. I actually was about to start crying. Blew a kiss to my mam.” Abbie Larkin after scoring the 90th minute goal against Belgium that earned Ireland promotion to then A division of the Nations League.
November
“This is why we love football, because things like this can happen. I love where I’m from, so this means the world to me. It’s the first time I’ve cried in years. I said after Portugal that this is what dreams are made of, but this tonight, I don’t think I’ll ever have a better night in my whole life.” Troy Parrott after that otherworldly hat-trick away to Hungary.
“You always have to know when to stop – that’s very important. It will not be easy because the memories are still inside you. But it is good to leave a legacy. That is what life is about – what people say after you leave.” Zaur Antia on his retirement from his post as head coach of Irish boxing having overseen the winning of 10 Irish Olympic medals.
“Looking back on my career, I neglected education, I neglected friendships, neglected a lot of things in life. I didn’t enjoy it. I’ve so many injuries from sport, both physical and psychological, I have to live with for the next two-thirds of my life. You don’t see that when you’re in sport. You’re so driven by medals and performance.” Aidan Walsh, an Olympic bronze medallist, on his retirement from boxing.
“He was probably one of the best-known hurlers ever. His reputation has been destroyed and his good name will probably never recover. When he is released from prison, he will have to face that and it will probably be a tough life for him.” Judge Martin Nolan on sentencing DJ Carey to five and a half years in prison after he was found guilty of dishonestly inducing people to pay him money for cancer treatment.
December
“I was serving a customer at the time when Charlie rang through. I rang him back and when he said, ‘I’m playing Sunday,’ I just burst out crying with pride. I just welled up.” And then Leo Smyth, his wife Julie and their two daughters made the 23-hour trip from Mayobridge to Miami to see Charlie Smyth score a a 56-yard field goal on his NFL debut for New Orleans Saints.
“Hopefully this exceptional Irish team can pick up a bit more bling bling!” Ellen Walshe after Ireland collected seven medals at the European Short-Course Championships, the young Dubliner contributing a gold and silver to the tally.
“It seems like the club has thrown me under the bus. I had a good relationship with the manager and all of a sudden, we don’t have any relationship. I have done so much for this club. I don’t have to go every day fighting for my position because I’ve earned it.” Mo Salah? In a huff.
“The celebration was just pure. I’m sure it was like Seamus Darby when he scored that goal [in the 1982 All-Ireland final]. He didn’t know what to do with himself - I was the same.” Shane Lowry on that joyous jig after his winning Ryder Cup putt.
