ALL IN THE GAME: A soccer miscellany
ACCORDING to sundry reports in recent weeks, Bastian Schweinsteiger was on the verge of leaving Bayern Munich for Chelsea/Real Madrid/Manchester United/Barcelona/Manchester City/AC Milan, etc.
The accuracy of those reports was somewhat undermined by the player's announcement to the crowd, after the game against St Pauli, that: "Ive extended my contract and I'm staying with Bayern until 2016! Long live Bayern!"
So, what persuaded him to remain at the club where he's been since he was just 14, and turn down a move to England/Spain/ Italy, etc?
"When I arrive (at the club's headquarters) on the Sabener Strasse I feel right at home," he explained.
"I know all the employees from A to Z, and I know where the toilets are."
As good a reason as any.
Gifts: Going loco in Rio
STRUGGLING to come up with ideas for Christmas presents for your loved ones?
Well, hats off to the Daily Mirror, they were browsing through 5, Rio Ferdinand's online magazine, and spotted "a hat-trick of bargains" that could solve all your problems. Featured in the gifts section is a snazzy watch, a snip at €19,000, a motorbike (a steal at €52,000) and a set of hi-fi speakers for a mere €140,000.
The perfect gift for all the family? Ah, thanks Rio.
No Christmas Carol: Scousers are not expecting cards from Konchesky’s mum
THINGS haven’t exactly gone swimmingly for Paul Konchesky since he followed Roy Hodgson from Fulham to Merseyside in August, the Liverpool supporters yet to be convinced he is a legend in the making.
His performance in the 2-0 defeat to Stoke last month didn’t exactly help his standing, but if he felt down about it at least his mother was, eh, sticking by him.
Carol Konchesky, not best pleased by the abuse her young fella was receiving for his form, decided to write a note of support on her Facebook page. Ready?
“To all you Liverpool scouse scum out there, never mind the cockney ****, take a real look at your team. Stop living off the past, the team are ****. If anyone made a mistake, its the cockney ****, who never should have left Fulham.”
“Gee, thanks ma,” Paul no doubt said to Carol, before possibly unfriending her.
“Comments like that are deeply unhelpful and extremely disappointing,” said Les Lawson, secretary of the Official Liverpool FC Supporters Club, although he conceded that “we Liverpudlians have been called worse in our time”.
The club itself described Carol’s outburst as “inappropriate” – which, you have to say, was delightfully restrained – although before she closed her account Carol received plenty of support.
“Clueless morons,” one of her Facebook buddies said of Liverpool fans, another suggesting they wouldn’t “know class when it hit them in the face”.
Not sure who posted that particular comment, but it might have been ‘PK, Liverpool left back’.
Dinner with Kenny: Great food, shame about conversation
“We had a lovely dinner with Kenny, his wife Marina and his son Paul – I understood about half of what he said, and I just nodded when I couldn’t understand.”
– Liverpool’s American chairman Tom Werner after a partly incomprehensible date with King Kenny.
“This has been the best year in my career, I would give myself an 11 out of ten.”
– Jose Mourinho grades his year. That’s a fairly modest score he’s given himself, it has to be said.
“I marked out a pitch in the sand using my heel . . . the only bad thing was that someone’s dog had a crunch right in the goalmouth. Luckily the owner managed to pick it up in one of those horrible plastic bags. And I wasn’t going to touch it because it was as big as a microphone.
– Ian Holloway on the delights of winter training on Blackpool beach.
“I think that the best player in the world should be quiet, humble and friendly. Lionel Messi is all of these things, while Cristiano often lacks some of these qualities.
– Barcelona’s Dani Alves spots the obvious and states it.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so annoyed watching a game. There was no intensity, players weren’t getting stuck in and everyone seemed to be pals with each other. I thought it was rubbish for a game between two top teams.”
– Roy Keane on that brawl-free Manchester United v Arsenal kickabout last week.
“I’m going to go home and tell my turkeys, ‘I’ve had a word with Fifa, it’s not Christmas, we’re moving it – it’s all right, you’ve got some respite!”
– If the 2022 World Cup in Qatar can be moved to winter, Blackpool manager Ian Holloway reckons Christmas can be switched to summer. And why not?
Maracana memento: Has a wee surprise in store
WANT to own a piece of Brazil's legendary Maracana stadium?
Well, now you can.
The stadium, which was in pretty shoddy shape, is being renovated for the 2014 World Cup, so the Rio Department of Tourism is selling 5,000 chunks of concrete from the demolished stands.
We would advise, though, that you soak your chunk in a bleach-like substance before you put it on display in your livingroom.
Why?
Well, a few years back an engineer, Luis Eduardo Cardoso, was brought in to find out why the stadium was crumbling.
The cause? Well, wee.
"The supporters could not be bothered queuing up to go to the toilets," he explained, "from a very young age Brazilians learn they can relieve themselves anywhere.
"The damage is so bad that double the initial investment will be needed to remedy the concrete structure.
"The ammonia from the urine acts with amazing speed. It penetrates the concrete and acts like an acid on the steel girders."
Trash talk: Melo makes a slightly better impression
AFTER a difficult year it was good to see Felipe Melo finally receiving some good news, enough, perhaps, to banish memories of the summer when he was accused of single-handedly destroying Brazil's World Cup hopes by being rather stupidly sent off against the Netherlands.
The good news? After winning the Bidone d'Oro (Golden Trash Can) last season, for his less than impressive form for Juventus, he only came ninth in the list of 2010's most rubbishy players in Serie A. The winner, for an historic third time, was Roma's Adriano, the Brazilian picking up 22.42 per cent of the vote, comfortably holding off the challenge of Juventus striker Amauri and AC Milan's Ronaldinho.
24 years, 1 month, 15 days
That's how long Alex Ferguson has reigned at Manchester United, the manager surpassing Matt Busby's record yesterday. Nani wasn't born until 11 days after his appointment, but the two events weren't connected.
Peruvian punch-up: doesn't end at the final whistle
BY all accounts the Peruvian championship final between Universidad San Martin and Leon de Huanuco was a lively affair, riot police having to break up a brawl between the players before the referee sent four of them off.
Alas, the trouble didn't end at the final whistle, Universidad defender Cristian Ramos opting to follow Leon's Ronaile Calheira in to the dressingroom to take their disagreement a step or two further.
"Calheira lay on top of me and hit me, so I had to get him," Ramos explained. "After the game I went to his dressingroom but he hid behind his mates. I did hit him twice, but not like I wanted to.
"I really wanted to hit him more. I just don't know what to make of him. He's not a man."
It wasn't just the players who came to blows, Leon assistant manager Leo Rojas getting involved in a bit of argy bargy too. He was, though, a bit more apologetic than Ramos.
"I punched someone too. I feel very low. I am a religious man."
Backing Big Sam: Taylor beefs up protest campaign
SAM Allardyce has been receiving plenty of support from his managerial buddies since his surprise sacking by Blackburn Rovers, Alex Ferguson describing the decision as the most stupid he's heard of "in all my life". "Absolutely ridiculous . . . dearie me," he sighed.
Harry Redknapp, too, stood up for his pal, insisting that "he's top class at his job". "People who don't know him see this big northern ex-centre half who they think is a big hammer thrower, well he's the brightest guy you could ever wish to meet," he said.
Graham Taylor, though, is so angry about Allardyce's treatment he's willing to make a sizeable personal festive sacrifice as a protest against the club's owners, Indian poultry tycoons.
"For the first time in many, many years I will be having roast beef for Christmas dinner rather than turkey or chicken," said the former England manager. "It will be my protest against what is happening at Blackburn and what is happening to our football in this country. What the hell is going on?
Fair play to Graham, you just have to hope he doesn't forgetfully smother his beef in cranberry sauce. Ugh.
