Lambs to the slaughter as the sheepdogs opted out

TV View: Páidí Ó Sé had us convinced. "I have this feeling within me that it's like a sheepdog who gets a habit for killing sheep - if he kills a sheep once he'll go up the hill again and he'll kill another one," he said on Up for the Match.

Some of you might be none the wiser as to what he was talking about - as, to be honest, we weren't either - until Páidí added: "They had a great win against Dublin".

This, then, was a vote for Mayo, by none other than the Kerry Man himself. Mayo had savaged Dublin, they'd tasted blood, so now they were going to dine on Kerry's entrails.

The west, Páidí, suggested, had risen from its slumber, he reckoned they'd be so fully awake in Croke Park on Sunday that they might even fleece Kerry. Sheepish pun entirely intended. "I think I'd sooner be chased by the sheepdog than Páidí," said Des Cahill. One Man and His Páidí? Yep, we see what you mean Des.

By yesterday, though, Joe Brolly and Colm O'Rourke feared Mayo would be lambs to the slaughter. "Heart says Mayo, head says Kerry," said Joe, who reminded us that 31 of the 32 counties would be rooting for the sheepdogs.

But the day didn't start so well for Kerry. Not only did they fail to beat Roscommon in the minor final, Kerry's Kieran Donaghy only just shaded Marty Morrissey in a basketball duel. Michael Lyster apologised for not warning us that Marty was about to appear on our screens in his T-shirt and shorts, before the watershed, but it was the sight of Marty slam-dunking that will, perhaps, live with us longer.

Match time approaching. And who's on Garda duty at Croke Park? Paul Caffrey, Dublin manager. "Jeeeeeez," said Brolly, echoing our thoughts. Surreal. It was the equivalent of seeing Jose Mourinho working as a steward at a Champions League final.

Ger Canning reminded us it was 55 years since Sam paid a visit to Mayo. And that since then the Berlin Wall had been built and demolished. Perhaps, but 'Ich Bin Ein Mayo-er' said the 31 viewing counties as they readied themselves for the humbling of the Kingdom.

Soon after. "It's a real case of Gulliver in the land of the Lilliputs," said Martin Carney as he watched the sheepdogs being mauled by the Kerry rams. "It's becoming an embarrassment," he said. "They'd probably have a tougher match in training," Ger sighed.

Oh Lord.

But then the sheepdogs found their bite and you wondered if Kerry were mutton dressed as lamb. Mayo? Goal. Goal. Goal. Half-time.

Ger: "It's crazy stuff!" Colm: "It's a surreal type of game!" Bomber Eoin Liston: "It's been a very funny game!" Liam McHale: "It's a bizarre game!" Crazy, surreal, funny, bizarre, just when we thought there were no words. Brolly was speechless. Just kiddin'. "It started off like a horror movie for Mayo, the car pulls up in a wooded area and they get out and they get stabbed," he said.

Second half? Well, sort of the equivalent of the shower scene in Psycho: you kept watching, but you really didn't want to.

With Mayo's broken hearts uppermost in his mind Joe told us "that wasn't a game at all, it was like a practice match for Kerry . . . it's a very poor Mayo team".

Colm attempted to add a touch of compassion to the proceedings. "Frankly they were humiliated . . . we shouldn't add to their misery," he said. Joe shook his head, "what are we pundits paid for?" said his sigh.

We're kind of with Joe on that one, even Mickey Moran's assistant John Morrison told Marty that some of the Mayo players' "minds weren't pushing them". "I don't think that's fair," said Colm, but sure, you'd have to guess that the Mayo players themselves would own up to that one. How else could you explain why the sheepdog opted out of going up the hill again? Too afraid of the Kerry ram at the top? "Well, turning up is all that matters, winning is neither here nor there," we'd half assume wouldn't have been Roy Keane's verdict on the game if he'd been sitting alongside Joe and Colm yesterday. He was on Sky Sports duty instead, for the Manchester United v Arsenal game.

Pre-match Keane couldn't see United losing; post match he looked like a man content to be manager of Sunderland, rather than playing alongside Ronaldo, Fletcher and Co.

Alex Ferguson emerged for his post-match chat. No rage, no blaming the referee, just "Arsenal deserved to win" and some stuff about the players being tired after the "emotional" match against Celtic midweek, all that "Scotland v England" business.

Back to Keane. He said nothing, but looked even happier to be manager of Sunderland. For all its faults at least there's a touch of passion and honesty in those parts this weather. And better still, a dollop of rage.