Wimbledon players received a message from manager Joe Kinnear this week which confirmed that he is recovering from his heart attack, if not quite following doctors' orders to stay calm and relaxed. Banned from going within sandwich tray-kicking distance of the Wimbledon dressing room, Kinnear provided a written equivalent by replying to his players' get well cards with a message which read: "I'm getting better but no thanks to you."
If Kinnear is confident of avoiding a bypass, recent opponents seem to have found one of Newbury proportions around the Wimbledon defence. In their manager's absence, the team have lost three successive games to relegation-threatened clubs, even contriving to lose 3-1 at home to Nottingham Forest, who have more feet in the grave than a Victor Meldrew convention.
Kinnear's message might be just the tonic Wimbledon's players need to begin their own rehabilitation. Only since they were deprived of his nose-to-nose confrontations and half-time displays of temper have they realised how much they love the old tyrant.
Robbie Earle, Wimbledon's erudite midfield star, says: "It is like one of those teachers you had at school who everyone hated because he wouldn't let you get away with anything and when he leaves, you realise how good he was. The supply teacher might be just as good at teaching the subject but somehow it is just not the same."
Earle says it would be too convenient for the players to blame their awful results on Kinnear's absence. But it would also be too much of a coincidence for Wimbledon's worst form of the season to have occurred while he has been lying in a hospital bed.
On the night four weeks ago when Kinnear was carted off to hospital before he could deliver even a pre-match rollicking, Wimbledon produced one of their best displays to win 2-1 at Sheffield Wednesday. They were inspired, however, by a "let's do it for Joe" spirit and it was only later that the shock set in, and with it, the rot.
Earle says: "It did come as a shock because Joe is such a big, bubbly character. But it was not such a shock when you considered how he works. He is a real hands-on manager, wanting to be involved in everything and that does bring on a lot of stress. Joe is like that advert - eat football, sleep football, live football." Unlike the ad, though, he did not drink Coca-Cola after games.
Kinnear, 52, took over at Wimbledon in January, 1992, which makes him the second-longest serving Premiership manager after Manchester United's Alex Ferguson. Earle says: "In that time, a manager gets to know all your strengths and weaknesses. Not having him here is a bit like losing your star player, and it's up to the rest of us to react by going out there and doing the business."
Under Kinnear, Wimbledon have steadily ascended the Premiership's class ladder, which has four distinct sections. There are the untouchables at the bottom who are relegation fodder, the comfortably mid-table who only take holidays in Europe, the pushily ambitious who aspire to play there, and the elite who are genuine title contenders.
Wimbledon now see themselves in the second-highest class, even if their dreams of Europe have continued to remain just that. Tottenham Hotspur blocked two Wimbledon routes to the promised land by knocking them out of both the Worthington Cup and the FA Cup. By winning the Worthington Cup, Spurs seem to have dealt Wimbledon a third blow, guaranteeing their FA Cup semi-final opponents Newcastle a UEFA Cup place.
Earle says: "It does seem strange that reaching the Cup semi-finals can be adjudged more worthy of a place in Europe than finishing fifth in the Premiership. It makes our task that much harder but I do think we are a team equipped to compete in Europe now. We've come a long way since the kick and rush days."
The transformation has been helped by Earle, an elegant midfield player with an eye for goal. Today, though, he is under no illusions about the size of Wimbledon's task against Manchester United, who are striving to form a fifth class all of their own by winning both domestic trophies and the Champions League this season.
Perhaps a trifle over-pessimistic, Earle says: "You just cannot afford to play badly against them or they will take you apart, as they did when they put eight past Nottingham Forest. Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole are the best striking partnership in the country but even if you stop them, David Beckham and Roy Keane are likely to produce a goal.
"They have definitely got a chance of pulling off the treble because they have got almost two separate squads and each one is as strong as the other."
Wimbledon are desperate for three points today to sustain their drive towards a European place and next month, they hope that Kinnear will once again be sitting on their bench to inspire them through their final matches. Should they fail to perform today, though, they need not feel the manager's absence too keenly. They can rest assured that the bollocking will be in the post.
