All in the game

Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

2012: CHEERIO

Oh brother

“That’s the best thing that could happen because he’s a terrible son of a whore and a nappy s*****r who doesn’t know how to play Barca.” – So tweeted Lautaro Higuain, brother of Real Madrid’s Gonzalo, on hearing rumours that Jose Mourinho was about to leave the club. On hearing the rumours were false? Lautaro, quite possibly, had a full nappy.

Tribute

“I suspect that his father came from Krypton and brought the boy to Earth in a rocket, because the only thing that makes sense is if he is Superman.” – Giovanni Trapattoni on Sean St Ledger. Na – Santos president Luis Alvaro Ribeiro on Neymar.

Comeback

When the England squad arrived at their Krakow hotel for Euro 2012 they were greeted by a sizeable crowd of Irish supporters who treated them to renditions of “You’ll never beat the Irish”, “John Terry is a racist”, “Maradona” and Amhran na bhFiann. You have to doff your cap to the heavily outnumbered English contingent of fans who replied with cries of “Thierry Henry” – and: “You’re going down with the euro.” 1-0 to England, admit it.

A fond farewell

When manager Steve Evans left Crawley for Rotherham United how gutted were his players? (a) So tearful they refused to play in their next game? (b) Did they agree to play, but with t-shirts sporting Evans’ face under their jerseys? Or (c) Did a video of them appear on YouTube showing them celebrating by crooning ‘We’re singing a song, ‘Cos the fat man’s gone’ and ‘Let’s twist again’? As you feared: (c).

Understatement

Sami Nasri had a bit of a run-in with a reporter after France lost to Spain at Euro 2012.

Reporter: “A word?”

Nasri: “You are looking for s**t, you are looking for trouble. You’re always writing s**t stories about us.”

Reporter: “Well get lost, then.”

Nasri: “You tell me to get lost? Come and we’ll sort it out over there . . .”

Reporter: “That’s it.”

Nasri: “**** you, go **** your mother, you son of a *****. **** you. There, now you can also write that I was badly educated.”

French manager Laurent Blanc on hearing of the exchange? “There’s a problem between Samir Nasri and the press.”

Well, yeah.

Ouch

"He reckons he's one of the best centre forwards in Europe - he does, honestly. If he was half as good as he thinks he is, he'd be a real player." - John Giles on Nicklas Bendtner.

Metaphor-mangling

"Neither team has really taken the baton by the scruff of the neck and put their stamp on it." - Nigel Worthington, take a bow

Sky-Blue romance

Four years - yes, four - after they married, Hiroki Yasumoto finally got around to taking Mio on honeymoon, the Tokyo native revealing that "she was shocked" when he told her their destination. You would have been too. They flew 6,000 miles to see his beloved Coventry City who, by then, had already been relegated. The Sky Blues lost 4-0 to Southampton on the day. "The match was like torture for me," he said. Mio, you'd have to assume, felt much the same about the experience.