A soccer miscellany compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

Et tu reporter: Eto'o turns on journalist after question over striker's international future

GLARING ERROR:ADMITTEDLY not without good reason, Samuel Eto'o is a man with an immense amount of admiration for his own ability, and doesn't take too kindly to those who question him.

So, a bravery medal of some sort should probably go to the reporter from Cameroonian sports channel Equinoxe

for asking this question after the team had lost to Senegal: “Samuel, will you put an end to your international career tonight, because you have just been beaten by Senegal and Cameroon’s qualification for next African Cup of Nations no longer depends on you?”

Over to Cameroon Today for a report on what happened next: “Eto’o, in spite of the lights of cameras and hundreds of reporters glaring at him, supposedly became very angry and answered in threatening tones and gestures, grimacing at the journalist and saying: ‘I wonder if you are a Cameroonian, and if you saw the same game we’ve just played. You are not a Cameroonian. I’ll speak to your boss at Equinoxe TV, because you do not even deserve to work for this wonderful television. You don’t deserve to exist,’ said Eto’o, who was reported to have literally jumped at the reporter.”

Equinoxe TV sports director Eric Djomo later defended his reporter, insisting “he was just doing his job by asking the player a question that was in the minds of hundreds of Cameroonians”. But? “It seems we are no longer allowed ask Samuel Eto’o questions,” said Djomo.

Probably just as well, really.

Cole delivers Hammer blow for twitters: It's a joke, ha ha

TAKING IT ON THE CHEST:WEST Ham United's Carlton Cole was busy tweeting during England's friendly against Ghana last week, when an estimated 20,000 Ghanaians turned up at Wembley for the game.

"Immigration has surrounded the Wembley premises! I knew it was a trap! Hahahaha," he said.

Then: "Next friendly is gonna be Poland then Albania, government think they're sly! I see it a mile away! Haha."

Cue Twitter meltdown.

"Why are there so many sensitive people out there! It was a joke it's not even racist." At which point he deleted his Tweets.

One particularly cruel chap responded: "The only way for you to get involved with the England squad is to pay the £55 match ticket and grab a seat like the rest of us." Aw.

Wags on the Wall: Birmingham fund-raisers finally go shopping after climb down

Not stereotypical-ish:"BIRMINGHAM WAGs conquer the Great Wall of China", read the happy headline in the Birmingham Mail last week, the report telling us that Becky, Melissa, Paula and Hayley – wives or girlfriends of Birmingham City and Leicester players – had walked all the way across one of the seven wonders of the world.

The challenge took five days and was done in aid of charity, the women earning the praise of group leader Steph. "I was a bit apprehensive beforehand, I expected high heels and tantrums, but they did really well and were not stereotypical WAGs," she said.

Well . . . Day four: "When we descended from the Wall, some of the girls finally had the chance to go shopping." (Alas, Melissa was "found wanting in the art of negotiation". "I paid 300 Chinese yuan for two pairs of pyjamas for my little boys, which is about £30," she said, "but then someone else said they had paid £3.").

Day five: "There was a fantastic atmosphere on the bus back to Beijing as we planned our celebrations, with shopping and massages top of the list."

Shopping aside, then, not stereotypical at all. Fair play to them, though, not least for "playing a part in Chinese history by helping to repair the Great Wall in the Badaling Old Section". But spare a thought for any astronauts up in space these days. "I thought I saw four WAGs fixing a hole in the Great Wall of China. I may need some medical attention."

150:That's how many home league games Jose Mourinho teams (Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid) went unbeaten until Sporting Gijon banjaxed the run on Saturday night

'Most Hated': Man United

. . . then Ryanair:CONSIDERING the times that are in it, it wasn't all that surprising to see a couple of banks - Lloyds and RBS - appear in the top 10 of the "most hated" companies in Britain in a survey carried out by Online Opinions. Not too loved either are McDonalds, Starbucks, BT, Sky, Easyjet and Network Rail, all of whom made it in to the 10.

None, though, had the honour of a top-three position. British Gas came in at third with 22 per cent of the vote, with Ryanair (23 per cent) having to settle for the runners-up spot. So, the most hated company in Britain? Eh, Manchester United (26 per cent).

You have to hope Michael O'Leary will offer Alex Ferguson a free flight or two to lift his spirits.

Parlour not sure who he is: But he would pick Lampard

WORD OF MOUTH:"If I was me, I would pick Lampard." - Ray Parlour on Sky Sports News, as heard by a Private Eye reader. Sure, who else would he be?

"My move to Milan was a project wanted by Jesus."

- Nicola Legrottaglie explaining why the club signed him in January - they'd received advice from above.

"Just think about this one issue, which is important: there'll be 60,000 people coming down from Manchester. You think about how much petrol is used for that."

- Either Alex Ferguson is calling for United and City supporters to cycle to Wembley for their FA Cup semi-final, or he wants the game switched to Manchester. Not sure which.

"Footballers enjoy a privileged life. The contrast between what is happening in their world and what is happening in the rest of Britain, and indeed most of the world, is getting starker."

- Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore, who got a £3 million bonus from the last Premier League TV deal negotiations.

"We do not understand how he was let in."

- Angle Jilmar, a player with Colombia's Envigado, puzzled as to why Christopher Jacome was allowed in to the ground for the game against Cucuta Deportivo. Jacome, it should be pointed out, was shot dead the day before, but was brought to the game by his mates in his coffin. Like you do.

Polish porkies: Never let the Fakts ruin a good scoop

BUNGA BERLUSCONI:OVER a photo of a woman's bosom, Rafa Benitez's favourite Polish tabloid - Fakt!- asked last week: "Bunga bunga wykonczylo naszych pilkarzy?" Other than learning that the Polish for bunga bunga is bunga bunga, we were at a loss. Our translator, though, kindly explained that an "outraged informant" had told the paper that he had spotted six Polish players cavorting with "girls of questionable reputation" in a luxury hotel in Poznan in a bunga bunga-type party "made famous by Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi". And all of this happened just two days before Poland lost to Lithuania in a friendly.

Faktnoted that the Polish players "clearly lacked strength" in the game, alleging that the six were "exhausted from frolicking with young women of loose morals". And what was "all the more shocking" was the revelation that while the six "opted for a more active form of relaxation", their team-mates were visiting orphanages in Poznan.

The paper is now being boycotted by the Polish players, who insist the story was fabricated. It's not the first time Fakthas been accused of being less than factual.

Twitter twit: Routledge slow on Ronaldo April fool story

National asset:"PORTUGAL 'sells' Ronaldo to Spain in €160 million deal on national debt" read the headline in the London Independent on Friday.

"Weighed down by debt, and reeling from the latest downgrading of their country's credit status, Portugal's finance ministry has secured the co-operation of football's highest-paid player in an audacious bid to draw the nation back from the brink of economic collapse . . . Cristiano Ronaldo has agreed to 'act like a patriot' and be sold to neighbouring Spain for €160 million."

Good one, eh? Mind you, you'd worry the yarn might give some folk ideas - James McCarthy to Brazil for €250 million? Did anyone neglect to check the date on the article? Well . . . "Can someone talk me thru what I'm seeing," asked gobsmacked QPR midfielder Wayne Routledge on Twitter. "Ronaldo sold to Spain for 160mill?? Does that mean he can just change country and play for Spain?" Ten minutes later: "okay, okay . . . ." #aprilfools #gotme." Morto.