Newton's Optic: The Taoiseach moved quickly this week to dispel his own promise, writes Newton Emerson.
The Taoiseach has promised a last-minute pre-election spending spree to tackle poverty, but has moved to dispel PD fears of "a last-minute pre-election spending spree to tackle poverty".
Mr Ahern made it clear that proposed budget increases would be targeted at "the poor, the uneducated, the mentally ill, single men over 25 still living with their mothers and just about anyone else we can think of who might be tempted to vote for Sinn Féin".
Addressing Fianna Fáil's annual emergency Non-Emergency Annual Meeting on Inchyforward Island yesterday, Mr Ahern also assured his coalition partner that "fundamentally, there is no change in the Programme for Government", adding: "The Programme for Government is the template that we work from. Of course, circumstances sometimes change, but fortunately the difference between a circumstantial change and a fundamental change is exactly the same as the difference between a programme and a template."
Mr Ahern explained that circumstantial changes to the Programme for Government would be funded, but not fundamentally funded, by focusing on tax bands instead of tax rates. Bands expected to shoulder most of the new tax burden include U2, Westlife and The Corrs.
Commenting on Tánaiste Mary Harney's threat to take her party out of Government in the event of a circumstantially reprogrammed fundamental template, Mr Ahern added: "She was asked a stupid question and she gave a stupid answer, unlike this answer which is sharp and rather witty."
Also addressing the Inchyforward meeting was controversial social campaigner Father John Curie, of the Congress of Righteous Indignation, who presented new statistics proving that wealth causes poverty.
"The Government does not seem to realise that poverty is relative," he told an audience of Fianna Fáil councillors. This was criticised by several delegates, who stated a commitment to making their relatives as rich as possible.
Father Curie has described previous Government budgets as "anti-poor", "anti-family", "anti-woman", "anti-social inclusion" and "a triumph of greed over need", but the PDs will not necessarily perceive his appearance at Inchyforward as a bad omen.
"All those remarks were direct attacks on Charlie McCreevy," explained a PD spokesman yesterday, "so in a sense Father Curie is actually on our side."
Tensions within the Government eased further this morning when Ms Harney told the Eamon Dunphy breakfast show that her party would not leave the coalition if a reshuffle led to "the sense of a fresh, new Government with a new group of people, thus mitigating the need for any fresh new policies".
Under further cross-examination from Mr Dunphy, she also agreed that the art of radio presenting was "possibly a case for tax exemption", and conceded it was "a bit fecking early to be up talking politics".
While the governing parties may have glossed over their differences, they face the threat of a "rainbow" coalition at the next election.
Fine Gael leader Mr Enda Kenny and Labour Party leader Mr Pat Rabbitte launched a power-sharing agreement on Tuesday between their parties at Westmeath County Council in Mullingar, describing it as "a good indicator of how enhanced co-operation among the main opposition parties could produce a meaningful and decent alternative".
The Green Party is also expected to join this alternative alliance, making it slightly more decent and considerably less meaningful.
Under what has already been dubbed the "Mullingar Accord", Fine Gael and Labour will share power over key local issues such as whether Westmeath's new wheelie bins will be delivered by council employees or private contractors, and how much space should be set aside for market stalls in Penney's car-park during construction of the Fairgreen Shopping Centre.
This decision-making template will then be rolled out across the country until it feels like a programme, fundamental circumstances permitting.
Mr Kenny and Mr Rabbitte said they would do "whatever is necessary" to provide an alternative to "this ill-matched Government's cynical pragmatism". A Green Party spokesman added that all household waste should be composted, and that shopping centres encourage car dependency.
The opposition alliance was quickly dismissed as "another stupid answer" by the Taoiseach. "We also have a rainbow coalition," he told reporters yesterday, "but ours is mostly green and has a pot of gold at both ends. Now who wouldn't want to chase after that?"
