Sir, – I am glad to report that Minister for Justice Helen McEntee’s recent efforts have been extremely fruitful. To give you an example of just how effective these measures have been, I will share with you the pleasure I had recently of going about my daily business in the new and improved Dublin city centre.
I left my digs in Glasnevin at 7pm and got off the bus on Pearse Street to get to my trampoline class in Trinity. On the way, a man was singing a melodious song at the top of his voice. He tried to catch my attention but I was so awed by the wonderful tune that I didn’t respond. He then called me a “f*****g b***h” and merrily went on his way. It is great to hear so much live music around the city.
When trampoline class had finished at 10pm, I escorted my sister to the bus stop so that we could enjoy the wonderful sights of Dublin together. On the way, we decided to stop at a fast-food restaurant on Westmoreland Street for a quick bite to eat. We were approached three times for spare change but unfortunately neither of us were carrying any; however, we were struck by the gracious spirit in which our rejection was accepted, particularly by the nice lady who called us “f*****g rehabs”. While still in the restaurant, a second lovely lady came in and screamed at the top of her lungs. I’m sure this was to thank the “f*****g foreign b*****d” behind the counter for the wonderful job he had done making her food. It must be a great relief for tourists to see how friendly and welcoming the locals are.
Once we left there, I walked my sister to her bus stop. We were stopped on the way by a lady throwing a bag of sweets at my feet. When I bent over to pick it up for her, another two generous ladies appeared from nowhere, kindly shadowing me and my bag closely from behind to make sure that no-one would rob me. It is nice to see how everyone looks out for each other in Dublin.
After my sister was safely deposited at her bus stop, I walked back to my digs, but found that I would be waiting for a few minutes (which was strange because usually the buses in Dublin are never late). I decided to head back into fast-food restaurant to get an ice-cream. As I walked towards the counter, a lady began to shout at me about recording her. I didn’t reply as I hadn’t been recording her so I didn’t know that the questions were directed at me; however I felt I had to reply once the lady appeared right beside me and kindly offered to smash my head in.
I informed her that I hadn’t in fact recorded anything and swiftly left the shop without ordering as she seemed to be rather hard of hearing and wasn’t accepting my answers. I returned to the bus stop once more and was followed by a tall and strong man who very politely and persistently asked me to delete the non-existent video of his lady-friend. It was nice to see how nobody in the fast-food restaurant or at the bus stop interfered in our conversation; tourists in Dublin can be sure that their privacy will be respected at all costs.
To conclude, I would like to thank the Government once again for the wonderful job they have done cleaning up Dublin city centre. If it weren’t for the great work being done by our politicians, five feet two-inch 54kg young ladies like myself would be vulnerable to being verbally assaulted, threatened and harassed regularly when going about their daily business. I am glad to say that I live in a beautiful city like Dublin where this is not accepted – and I hope this continues to be the way. – Yours, etc,