Enda intent on keeping us sweet but Coalition's fudge is hard to swallow

SKETCH:A RETURN to plain speaking.

That’s what everyone wanted before the last election and, begob, Fine Gael and Labour would be the ones to deliver it.

The Tánaiste is a man who calls a spade a spade. (Except when he talks about “shovel-ready” projects, which he likes to do a lot.) More about that anon.

So. None of that aul waffle anymore. The Coalition was swept into government and the good days of transparency stretched ahead. We looked forward to a future without fudge.

Sadly, less than a year in and Enda and Eamon are spinning more floss and fudge than Willie Wonka’s Oompa Loompas.

Ministers see a microphone and confirm some plans for the budget. Then Enda stands up in the Dáil and says this cannot be, as nothing has been finalised.

He was at it again yesterday. “We haven’t had the budget yet” shrugged Enda.

“But, but, but . . .” stutter bewildered Opposition deputies and distracted journalists, wondering were they hearing things when the likes of Phil Hogan said there would be an increase in motor tax and Michael Noonan said VAT would be hiked.

“The taxation element of the budget hasn’t been presented by the Minister for Finance yet,” protested the Taoiseach, when the Fianna Fáil leader demanded clarification on the increase in motor taxation which Big Phil flagged at the weekend.

“You are reversing trends towards a better and clearer environment for Ireland,” wailed Deputy Martin. Somewhere in Dublin 4, John Gormley and Eamon Ryan quietly sobbed.

But the former Green ministers need not be too downcast. Enda is very alive to the issue of emissions.

But if people are leaking to the media in advance of budget day, or budget days, to be more precise, what can he do? His Ministers aren’t governed by the Kyoto agreement.

Whatever they might be saying, he remains resolutely coy about what will or will not be done to the national bottom line next week. It’s very frustrating for Micheál and everyone else when Enda plays the innocent.

Deputy Martin quoted one of the Taoiseach’s phrases back to him: “The difficulty I have with ‘if there are to be changes’ is that the Minister has said ‘there will be changes’.” He did. He did. We heard him too. It was on The Week in Politics.

Nothing to do with Enda.

And then there’s the question of his Coalition’s imminent double-dip financial statement, so good they’re doing it twice.

Brendan Howlin will deliver the budget opening act in the Dáil next Monday, December 5th, and then Michael Noonan will hit us with part two the following day.

It’s a significant move, which must have taken some planning. At the very least, the sensitivities of two big departments and a pair of political heavyweights will have had to be considered. Maybe they were still squabbling over the spoils last week, because not a word was said about this radical departure from the usual format.

The Taoiseach continued to speak of December 6th as budget day. The Tánaiste, famous plain speaker that he is, went for the fudge option.

And yet, his own Labour Minister for Public Expenditure would be making history by getting to present his own budget alongside the one expected from the Minister for Finance.

This newspaper got wind of the Howlin-Noonan double-hander on Friday. A call to a departmental official confirmed the new running order, but little else. It sounded to us like finance didn’t want to step on public reform’s toes and vice versa.

Very strange, and not exactly the sort of transparency expected from the new brooms.

Yesterday, the political correspondents were miffed at being left out of the loop. We hear they demanded answers.

The Coalition’s soother-in-chief was apparently taken aback by their annoyance. Sure didn’t the Tánaiste himself signal the change during the Order of Business in the Dáil chamber last Thursday? He was totally open in his, er, openness.

The venerable correspondents scratched their heads and wondered how they missed such a newsworthy development from plain-talking Eamon Gilmore.

We returned to the Dáil record to check what the Tánaiste said. Here it is: “I wish to make the following statement for the information of the House. It is intended to sit on Monday, December 5th, 2011, for statements on the estimates by the Minister for Public Expenditure and Reform, Deputy Howlin.” And that was it.

Anyone would think the Coalition wanted to keep the Howlin-Noonan move quiet.

If so, it was a triumph in obfuscation for plain-speaking Eamon. But then, as Enda pointed out to the embarrassment of the Labour elves last week, good intentions pledged before the election don’t mean a thing.

But listening to Shane Ross’s alarming prognosis yesterday for what might be coming down the line for Ireland in terms of fiscal sovereignty, what Eamon or Enda have to say mightn’t matter anyway, in the long run.

So pass the fudge lads . . . we’ll chew on it in the cheap seats next week.