Behind the scenes: At St Andrews yesterday, you couldn't help thinking of Sir John Junor and his beloved Auchtermuchty. Remember him?
He was the late editor of the Sunday Express who had a pathological distaste of Irish people and things Irish.
We passed through Auchtermuchty on the way to St Andrews from Edinburgh on Tuesday.
That was the town which, against all the corruption and evil of the modern world, Junor saw as the epitome of oul conservative Scottish decency.
But look at the cast that has just converged on his beloved home area around St Andrews: top brass Sinn Féiners, including former IRA prisoners; Taoiseach Bertie Ahern; Ian Paisley and his crew; a straggle of anti-war protesters gathered at the outside gates of the talks hotel; the usual motley gang of peace processors that has been processing from stately home to stately home to five-star hotel for donkeys years now. And, as usual, ready to pick a fight but unable to strike a deal.
Poor John Junor. Such an invasion. Were he not spinning so wildly in his grave he would have been muttering repeatedly in recent days his famous catchphrase: "Pass the sick bag, please." Still, at least you could see St Andrews yesterday. The mist outside had lifted from the elemental horrors of the first day of the talks. But inside the Fairmont golf hotel, the political fog remained as dense as ever.
Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams were locked in a stand-off, playing their version of that popular afternoon TV programme, Deal or No Deal. The Doc wouldn't give a commitment on sharing power with Martin McGuinness, while the Sinn Féin president wouldn't provide a reciprocal pledge to sell policing to a Sinn Féin ardfheis.
Without agreement on these issues, there can be no deal. As SDLP leader Mark Durkan warned, it could all fall apart because Dr Paisley and Mr Adams couldn't work out "synchronised U-turns" on the respective issues of power-sharing and policing.
The governments may today try the tricky business of calling a deal, that is presenting the parties with a "best guess" paper outlining their read of an achievable agreement.
But it all hangs on Ian Paisley being prepared to say "Yes". The trouble is, it seems the last time he did so was 50 years ago today when he married his beloved Eileen.
Regardless of what happens in the negotiations today, his minders say he will be catching a plane home in good time to celebrate the anniversary with his baroness wife. As far as the Doc is concerned, the peace process can just wait. And wait. And wait.
