Dáil Sketch/Miriam Lord:After the gun amnesty came the bung amnesty. Retrospective absolution for Bertie, who bravely gave up his oul' sins again yesterday, even though he's still not quite sure what they are.
Penance will be observed in the form of "changements" to the ethics legislation, as the Taoiseach put it in the Dáil.
It made Michael McDowell happy. Closing the wallet flap after the cash has bolted is good enough for a Tánaiste, so traumatised by the treatment meted out to his good friend Bertie recently that he temporarily lost the power of speech.
"We weren't in a sulk, we just decided that words were not needed," he said, touchingly, on the steps of Government Buildings, standing shoulder to shoulder with the man with whom he has not exchanged "any angry words" in the last seven years. At least they can never be accused of behaving like an old married couple. Words have always performed a needful task for Taoiseach Ahern - it's everyone else who has the problem with them.
His peculiar genius was at its shining best for visiting school children to admire, when he rose in the chamber once more to deal with the tortured subject of money he took from strangers and friends, for personal use, when minister for finance.
It will be recalled that, in a throwaway remark last week, Bertie introduced the notion that a person is not deemed to have been present at an event if he "didn't eat the dinner".
As far as the Opposition is concerned, it matters not a whit whether the businessman concerned cooked, ate or washed up after said dinner. Like Tánaiste McDowell before he wilted, all they want are some facts about this one-off occasion in Manchester, when a startled Bertie walked away with an unsolicited £8,000 in his inside pocket.
The shock of the kindness of strangers has affected the Taoiseach's memory. "I've already given the information about Manchester," he insisted to the House. "I've answered the questions."
He hasn't, and he didn't.
However, with the smiling PD leader by his side, what did Bertie care? The Fine Gael and Labour leaders wanted to know what extra information came to light last week which had so concerned the "Prevaricating Democrats".
At the time, it was of such earth-shattering importance that the Tánaiste went into hiding and Independent deputies were preparing their shopping lists in advance of an invitation to join the Government, marvelled Pat Rabbitte.
Tánaiste McDowell shook his head, grinned and threw his eyes up to heaven. But he still managed to look faintly embarrassed.
Bertie never gets embarrassed, even when he brazenly goes on the offensive over the red herring he tossed into the argument - a useless observation the Opposition is neither concerned nor cares about.
In the Taoiseach's case yesterday, it was "the dinner". "Let's get real here," he lectured bemused deputies, working himself up into a totally unwarranted lather of indignation.
Hard-done-by Bertie chastised them for wasting valuable time with trivia such as "you ate a dinner or didn't eat a dinner or who had a sandwich rather than a dinner". His backbenchers were licking their lips.
The Opposition was agog at the sheer chutzpah of the man. Like a crocodile crushing his prey in a death roll, Bertie churned up the muddy waters until the Opposition drowned. Just what was so important about "who ate the dinner or drank the wine, who had water and who had Ballygowan"?
Enda Kenny and Pat Rabbitte and the rest of them sighed and smiled ruefully. Time to admit defeat.
The two bosom buddies already knew that. A few hours earlier, after their public renewal of their vows in Government Buildings, Michael McDowell leaned in towards Bertie and said quietly: "We survived it."
Bless his innocence.