Mind moves:I wonder, have we so professionalised the business of mental health that we fail to recognise and appreciate the natural therapists in our midst? People with exquisite listening skills who connect with those in distress," writes Tony Bates
I recently had a conversation with a taxi driver; a week before, he had picked up a girl who had been helped into the taxi by a friend, who kept asking: "Will you be all right?"
He had travelled a mile or so when she began hyperventilating. She seemed to be having a panic attack. He slowed down and offered to drive back to her friend, at no charge. But she insisted he keep going.
This man spoke with a kind voice and relayed his tale with no airs or graces. He told her he had daughters of his own and was uncomfortable to think he was making her uneasy. She reassured him that it had nothing to do with him.
As they continued their journey, her story unfolded. She was the victim of a sexual assault two years previously and this was her first time alone with a man since the attack. Her dad was meant to pick her up, but hadn't managed to.
"I can't trust men any more," she said. He responded: "It's a pity you feel like that. You've had aawful experience, but most men aren't like that." But she was unmoved, repeating: "I just can't trust men."
So the driver asked about her dad. She replied that she loved her dad and got on great with him.
"Well that's not a bad place to start. Do you have any brothers?" he continued, and she said she had four. "What about uncles?" She had six, all of whom were very good to her.
"So," he said, "there are at least 11 men there that you trust. That's a good start, something you can build on in learning to trust men again."
The conversation continued until they had identified more men she trusted, at which point she began to see through her "black or white" thinking about men, even smile a little.
"But," she told him, "I'm constantly afraid. I get off the bus and keep looking behind me. I'm afraid someone will creep up if I don't keep checking."
My driver felt the intensity of her fear, so he suggested that she look forward as she walk home and not look back. "If it helps, hold your hand in a fist and be ready to box anyone who comes close." She laughed at this and promised to do what he suggested next time she got off the bus.
This young woman was getting professional help. "What does he say to you about your fears?" my driver asked. "He just says I have a lot of problems," she replied.
As she neared home, she seemed a lot calmer and said: "I've been getting help for two years, but the few minutes I've had talking to you have helped more than all my sessions so far." What if our communities have more people like that driver than any of us can imagine - people we miss as we go about our lives wishing there was someone we could talk to.
There is a place for skilled therapists to help us resolve complex emotional problems, but there are opportunities to listen to one another and offer wise words that may help.
Let us remember the unsung heroes in our midst who have "good enough" skills to be with another in distress and allow them to think more creatively about the problems that beset them.
Tony Bates is founding director of Headstrong - The National Centre for Youth Mental Health