If you're feeling stressed-out today, even though it's the first bank holiday Monday of the year, you're not alone. Stress overload is endemic in the new high-achieving Ireland, where in little more than a decade, the pace of life has gone from being relatively slow to being among the fastest and most competitive on the globe.
Fifteen years ago the Republic was the kind of place where the pace was slow and there was always time for conversation.
Today a treadmill life of 12 to 14-hour working days is the norm if you want to be a "success". New technologies which seemed alien a decade ago have changed our lives: computer modems, lap-tops and mobile phones mean that you never leave the office. You take it home with you. The material rewards can be great, but at the cost of family life, friendship and our former sense of perspective.
"People are trying to work all the hours God sends and bringing all the threads of their lives together to make the most of this era of the Celtic Tiger. It's push, push, push because they perceive they are not as successful as they should be or as others are. They see friends taking not one but two skiing holidays in a single winter, with the new 1998 car and the new house and they start thinking that they have to have those things too, instead of appreciating what they have," says Clare Bell-Maguire, a physical well-being therapist at the Dublin County Stress Clinic.
"Six out of ten people who walk into the surgery are suffering from stress," says Dr Jim McShane, a GP in Dun Laoghaire, Co Dublin. "Identify the source of the stress and you're halfway to relieving it." Top of the list are problems with finances, work, partners, family pressures - including the pressure of having two families. There are spouses jealous of their Internet-mad partner's flirtations, while others are all wound up because their partners are attempting to wind down by abusing alcohol. (It's ironic that our main self-prescribed tranquilliser causes far more stress than it soothes.)
The increase in stress-related illness is largely due to the revolutionary change in the work ethic, Dr McShane observes, with people going to work at 7 a.m. and getting home late at night, always under pressure to hit targets and less able to take time off. Secure, pensionable jobs have given way to the insecurity of short-term contracts and a marketplace where you're only as good as your last achievement. We're outpacing the Americans and leisure is fast becoming a forgotten art.
Then we complain about "stress" - when what we may actually be suffering, is a loss of our former sense of values and perspective.
The term "stress" has wrongly become synonymous with anxiety, tension and overwork, when in fact the body's stress response is designed to be beneficial. "General life stress should be taken on with a sense of verve and challenge. It can make life enjoyable," says Orla O'Neill, co-ordinator of the Dublin County Stress Clinic.
We need stress to achieve. In response to certain kinds of challenge, the heart rate rises, blood pressure soars, breathing becomes rapid and shallow and muscle tension increases, along with measurable shifts in hormone levels and the activity of the nervous system. The stress response is useful and even pleasurable when you have a race to run, a presentation to make or a family to motivate, but it can make you miserable when you're sitting in traffic on the school run or stuck in a queue at Brussels airport on a Monday morning for no obvious reason other than bureaucracy gone mad.
What makes one person feel stressed makes another thrive. "I enjoy the challenge that other people call stress," says Liam O'Rourke (44), who became managing director of Chivers Ireland, Ltd on March 31st. "I think the Chinese have two words for stress. One means danger and the other means opportunity and that's the way I tend to look at it."
Everyone can learn to handle stress instead of feeling victimised by it. We hope today's features page helps.
Stress Profiles
`A problem shared is a problem halved'
The Newsman
Bryan Dobson (37) of RTE has what most people would regard as a very stressful job. Not only does he have to deal with breaking national news stories and interviews with politicians on a daily basis, but he has to do it on live television. But Bryan doesn't see his job as stressful and thrives on the adrenalin rush.
He likes nothing better than a late-breaking story forcing the news team to "up the running order and go for it" so that he has to ad lib. He's always looking for ways to make his job harder, and was disappointed when a recent outside broadcast from Washington DC went so smoothly that he didn't get the "buzz" he was anticipating. He's even chosen sailing as a hobby because it gives him an adrenalin rush.
"Every time I need more stress and tension to get the same buzz. Does that mean I'm an adrenalin addict?" he asks.
Stress, to him, is being at home on the weekends with his two daughters, Sophie (8) and Hannah (4) - "I'd rather face Ian Paisley," he says. He deals with the demands of childcare by throwing out his own agenda and surrendering to their needs and wants.
"With kids, if they're happy, you're happy," he says. If the children are painting on the wall, he'll say to himself, "well, that will take 10 minutes to clean up and in the meantime I've got 30 minutes reading time, so I'm ahead by 20 minutes net." His peaceful times are Sunday morning services at St Patrick's Cathedral near his home. He exercises occasionally, cycles a bit and walks to and from work when he has time.
Bryan Dobson: he doesn't see his job as stressful, and thrives on "the adrenalin rush"
The Housewife
Jennifer Howard (40), from Malahide, Co Dublin, takes the majority of responsibility for her two daughters, aged seven and five, and for the running of the house. She's got three school runs each day - that's six return trips - and in between that she schedules her life. Stress doesn't bother her, though - probably because she's doing everything right.
Two or three days a week after the school-run, she walks from Malahide to Portmarnock and back, a four-mile hike, to benefit her weight, health, heart and her mood. When her second baby had colic, Jennifer learned the importance of taking time out, so one morning per week she has a home help, which means that even on school holidays she gets at least one morning free. She has a vast social network of friends both through the Business Spouses Association, a support group for the wives of busy executives, and through her own contacts.
"I'm not a lady who lunches - I don't have time - but I do enjoy my coffee mornings. A problem shared is a problem halved, I always say. A coffee morning may not seem like much, but you're giving a lot to other people," she says. She feels it's important to make time for yourself too, whether it's a facial or soaking your toes in the foot spa with aromatherapy oils. Her spiritual life is strong and she never misses Mass on Sundays: "People come to me because I'm great at doing Novenas and I always get results," she says. She is also taking courses, including a computer training course, in preparation for a return to the workplace when her children are older.
Jennifer Howard: "I'm not a lady who lunches - I don't have the time." Photograph of Jennifer Howard with daughters Allison and Eimear by David Sleator
John Mahony (35), the Kilkenny-reared managing director of Edelman Public Relations Worldwide, encourages his young staff of 20 senior consultants to socialise together, to offer each other neck and shoulder massages at their desks and to engage in a process he calls "naming it".
If someone is looking stressed-out, others in the office sit on their desk and get them to talk about it. There are no boundaries around what is acceptable to talk about, unless the colleague wishes to keep an area private. If a child is sick or the creche falls down, everyone has permission to say "sorry, I've got to leave and deal with this". The understanding is that the consultants work enough 10-hour days to earn the occasional emergency time out.
"We don't think it's rocket science, simply that these are senior consultants in a very stressful environment and if people can't name it and talk about it, they won't be able to function well and help create a dynamic work environment," he says.
He also believes in "total transparency of communication" to avoid stressors like role ambiguity, where people are left in the dark about what is expected of them. Staff need to co-operate in decision-making and be informed openly of major decisions rather than being fed on a slow drip of gossip, which Mahony terms "non-inclusive dialogue".
Socialising outside working hours aids communication and prevents anyone from becoming chronically misunderstood or demonised. He's also aware that some of his single employees have no one to go home to at night to share their problems with, often because they are in relationships that are in flux, and yet have lot of career and financial pressures to contend with. Socialising with colleagues helps to spread the burden. Edelman's next company weekend will be a two-day country house safari in the west of Ireland complete with a full pampering schedule including reflexology and massage.
In his personal life, Mahony envies the sporty types who continue to benefit in their 30s and 40s from the habit of physical exercise they started in their youth. In university, he was one of the sociable types who stood on the sidelines of sporting events drinking and today finds that his social life is no longer sufficient to combat stress. He's observed that you can succeed well the first 15 years after college with the formula of working hard during the week and playing hard at weekends, but eventually the social life becomes counterproductive because it provides more stress than it alleviates. "At 35, you just can't hold up a bar until 3 a.m. anymore," he says.
Mahony has three lapsed gym memberships: "If you're the non-sport sociable type, you find yourself at 35 on a treadmill wearing headphones in front of a TV set with someone saying that you have to do this four times per week for the rest of your life." He's tried to make exercise more palatable by joining yet another club which he intends to use only for the sensual recreation of the occasional swim, sauna and jacuzzi. "If I also happen to exercise occasionally, that's fine," he says.
John Mahony: socialising with colleagues helps to spread the burden of stress
Business Woman
Hilarie Geary (32), named as Young Business Woman of the Year, 1998, is managing director of Executive Connections, a recruitment consultancy specialising in banking and finance which she founded at the age of 25. She's largely self-taught and self-made, having started off as a hotel receptionist and then worked as administrator with the Irish Export Board before becoming a recruitment consultant. Today she has 13 personnel, including management who can run the business while she's away. Hilarie's other important role is as the mother of Sean and Harry, aged 18 months and nearly three, and weekends with them "are sacred", she says.
"I don't get that stressed. I talk about everything openly in the office, my management skills are very, very sharp and I've learned to delegate," she says. Some days she's in the office at 7.30 a.m. and there until 9 p.m., other days she manages to disappear early and pick the boys up from the creche and go home, although she's always available to clients on the telephone and she's connected to the office by modem. She doesn't have a nanny or au pair and does a lot of work at home at night after the boys have gone to bed. She's had to take some time off to cope with her sons' asthma - both suffer from it - and she has the nebuliser and humidifier going at home.
When her sons were born, she found it tough because she had very little maternity leave and has had to work very long hours away from the family, but succeeded because of support from her family and friends and "a terrific husband". Stress doesn't bother her because she has "lots of energy" and takes "lots of exercise" - a three-mile run twice a week and step aerobics twice a week. "Healthy mind, healthy body," she believes.
Combining work and family is all about being positive and being happy with the constant sacrifices and content with a life that's "one big bargain", she thinks: "Sometimes you have to be a little bit clinical, but in the end if you have quality time with your children you make up for it."
Danger signs
Sing alcohol to relax: if you view alcohol as the only means of forgetting problems and getting physical relaxation, then you are undermining your own sense of personal control.
Saturday morning headaches and holiday 'flus: if you're in the habit of being on overdrive at work and if you've forgotten how to let go, then you may habitually get sick on your days off.
Preoccupation with work: if you're sitting at home listening to music, reading or watching TV, but all the time you're thinking of work and problem solving, you are not relaxing.
Irritability and anxiety: men under stress tend to become irritable while women tend to become anxious
Isolation and loss of perspective: stressed people tend to become totally focused on problems or career development and lose touch with friends who can help them see the woods for the trees
Top 10 stress relievers
Religious observance: church-goers live longer
Sex and intimacy
Exercise: at least three walks per week
Nutrition: eating a healthy, balanced diet based on carbohydrates, fruit and vegetables and relatively low in fat and avoid alcohol and caffeine
Laughter: especially at yourself
Communication and friendship: a trusted confidante is a proven protector against stress
Strong boundaries: the self-esteem to say no and mean it without feeling guilty
Positive attitude: some experiences, such as death in the family, are unavoidably stressful but others are more subjective and what's stressful to one person, may not be to another
Pets: caring for an animal lowers blood pressure and boosts mood
Sensual pleasures: massage, aromatherapy, bathing, music and candlelight
Sorting your stress
Doing a stress inventory of your personal and work relationships, career, personal development and finances can help you regain a sense of control and balance - essential to coping with stress. When was the last time you did something you really enjoyed? People who are really stressed-out usually can't answer that question. They've forgotten how to relax, says Clare Bell-Maguire, a physical well-being therapist with the Dublin County Stress Clinic.
"Because we perceive stress as pains and aches in the body, one of the first questions I ask my clients is: where does it hurt? Stress commonly manifests itself as headaches, pins and needles, pains in the neck, sweaty palms or repetitive strain injury. The self-inflicted 12-hour days with 20-minute lunchbreaks which many people are working now in order to succeed are ultimately self-defeating, Clare believes.
"We are not physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually designed to accommodate that," she warns. Stressed-out people tend to expect themselves to be superhuman achievers or else they feel guilty. It's a trap that comes from blaming yourself for not coping instead of identifying the cause of the stress and doing something about it.
Finding the cause is the first step to dealing with stress but it's easier said than done, according to Orla O'Neill of the Dublin County Stress Clinic. Often, we are unable to see the actual sources of stress in our lives.
Start your stress inventory by asking yourself how you're feeling both emotionally and physically. "If there's any sense of tension or dissatisfaction, that would be a very good place to start exploring," says O'Neill.
The most common, serious sources of stress include: change of job, illness, getting married, getting separated or divorced, having a baby, having a son or daughter leave home, going to college, starting a new job, moving house and financial problems. You need to be honest with yourself, since people tend to fool themselves and deny the real source of stress if it's too threatening to confront. Some might blame work for stress when the real problem is a bad relationship.
If the source really is work, you need to ask yourself what specifically is the problem. Is it the way the job is structured? Is it a relationship at work? Or is it the overall culture of the organisation? Or is it your capacity and skill to do the job, in which case would training relieve the stress?
If the source of stress is a domestic one, it doesn't necessarily have to be a major issue. It could be the deleterious drip-drip effect of a daily annoyance, like dealing with traffic, or the neighbour's noisy dog. Or maybe you're feeling put-upon because your partner refuses to do a fair share of the childcare or housework. Or perhaps you're burdened with the care of a sick relative. Ask yourself what you can do to alleviate the source of stress.
If it's an unfair division of labour, maybe your partner needs an instruction manual on how to clean a toilet. Or, if you're caring for an infant or a sick relative, try building in some breaks - even if they are only mental breaks. Share your burden with others by talking about it and by trying to get someone to relieve you for as little as one day a month. Never feel guilty about asking for help. You cannot give of yourself unless you have a self to give.
Your stress inventory can also help you get an overall sense of how you are doing in life right now, where the demands on you are and how compatible those demands are with your long-term values and goals.
"Having a strong sense of your values and goals pays back major dividends," says O'Neill. It's corrosive to live a life you don't really believe in.
In therapy sessions, Bell-Maguire teaches people how to find their "on/of switch" so that they can rediscover their innate ability to relax. Many people are so tense that they have to re-learn the difference between tension and relaxation. Learning how to say no when you're in danger of taking on too much is also vital, she adds: "If an Irish woman is having people over to dinner, she's thinking: `I must be the martyr. If I am not lying at the front door and the guests are not wiping their feet on my belly I have not succeeded. Here I am, trample on me'."
An eight-week course in stress management is offered by the Dublin County Stress Clinic (01-2881788).