Men can also experience the emotional difficulty of abortion

That's men for you: Padraig O'Morain's guide to men's health.

That's men for you: Padraig O'Morain's guide to men's health.

How does abortion affect men?

Every week, more than 100 Irish women have abortions.

From the experience of people involved in post abortion support, it seems fair to say that some women will get on with their lives without any serious emotional consequences.

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Others will go through grief reactions or experience feelings of regret or guilt, now or in the future, for short or long periods of time.

Because abortion is, generally speaking, secret - few women go around talking about it - it can be difficult to deal with these feelings.

Women, generally, are good at talking about their problems but that avenue is not open if the woman feels she can tell nobody about it.

If the aftermath of abortion for women is little talked about except in the heat of political debate, then the aftermath for men doesn't even register in the public consciousness.

The effect on the relationship between the man and the woman is also rarely discussed.

Work done in the United States suggests that men, too, feel grief, guilt or regret when their partner, girlfriend or wife has an abortion.

If the pregnancy was unplanned they may both feel a sense of shame. (The "broth of a boy" who doesn't give a damn about the women he impregnates does not represent all men.)

So men need to be able to accept that they can have strong, emotional reactions to an abortion.

It seems to me that they need to talk to their partner about these reactions instead of keeping it all in.

And they need to understand, if they are in a relationship, that both parties will have to work hard on that relationship after the abortion. The woman needs to understand that too.

I cannot prove it scientifically, but it seems to me that the relationship the day after the woman has had an abortion is different in many ways from the one couple had before.

This is because they now have to be able to deal with the consequences of a very emotional event.

If they cannot deal with these consequences together, then the relationship often breaks down.

Perhaps there will be no emotional consequences.

Perhaps both will be fine. But life tends to be a bit messier than that.

Grief is a strange thing. It may hit a person after an abortion or it may not hit them for some time.

The man needs to give his partner lots of affection, physical support and obvious love after the abortion.

Some US studies suggest that whether the woman copes well with the aftermath of the abortion is determined to a large extent by how supported she feels by the man.

And support doesn't mean giving her money or going to England with her - it means being there for her in an emotional way.

So you don't tell her that she ought to be over it by now.

You don't refuse to talk about it, you listen to what she wants to say about it - no matter what that may be - you remind her that you love her and you demonstrate that love by accepting her feelings.

This is not easy to do. If you both agreed to the abortion you may feel that she has somehow gone back on the deal if she is now upset. She hasn't. It's just that human emotions are too complex to be that controllable.

If you yourself feel bad about the abortion then her grief will possibly stir up pain for you. If that is so, then share your grief with her.

Don't have her imagining she is the only one who feels this way. Don't isolate yourself either.

Women and men dealing with the aftermath of abortion can get very helpful information and support at www.afterabortion.com an excellent US website.

The website takes a determinedly neutral stance on the pro-choice/pro-life debate. Its aim is to help people to deal with the aftermath of abortion.

It was set up for women but there is a section for men and relatives and it's well worth spending some time there if these issues affect you.

Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.