It does not matter if we are teachers, nurses, child psychologists or whatever before we have children of our own to raise. Nothing prepares us; nothing renders us less "all knowing" than having children to care for every day, 24 hours a day. The way to parenting a spoiled child is generally paved with good intentions. Parents tend to be very busy these days, and many work outside as well as inside the home.

Yet the parents in question are very concerned about their children, ensuring they get lots of praise, focusing on education, giving them good self-esteem. They are into the business of boosting their children's self-confidence and ensuring they do plenty of extra-curricular activities.

Yet sometimes I see that the more children get, the more they want and expect. I notice that at times abundant caring flows into overindulgence.

I know most parents feel very emotional about their children and try very hard to be good parents. Yet I worry that we are slipping into an "absence" mode - i.e. because the time we spend with them is less, or different, the little things in life that families do together are being missed out.

If we feel when we are with our children that we must please them and make them happy at all costs, we lose the tender moments which making difficult decisions can bring.

Our growth as people is brought on by sacrifices or difficulties as well as happy times. For good or ill, it is everyday living experiences that go with our genes to make us what we are.

Parents dote on their children, but in doing so may inadvertently create a protective bubble. Of course that is how it should be to a certain extent, but a child without rules, regulations and family demands flounders.

One day the bubble may burst and the child is left to fend for itself in the big world.

We must ask ourselves the same question regularly: What do we really want for our children?

It is a difficult question to really answer. Here goes my effort:

I want my children to be happy, healthy and free; to be positive about life and enjoy and appreciate each day as a miracle; to value now and to be a valuable member of society in whichever field they choose; to be sensitive and responsible towards others and know they are loved and be able to love too.

What do you really want for yours? So how do we achieve this?

One answer is to live by example. Strange as it may seem, the principle of parenting is that we teach children to be their own parents. If we overparent and do too much for them, how can they learn to be able to rely on themselves? Encouraging independence from an early age is vital. Don't do for a child anything he can do for himself. Teach them how to dres,/ set the table or whatever - then support their independence.

Parents often ask my advice. They may say their child has become a bully, ruining their lives; she will not go to bed, will not eat the food she is given, has tantrums if she does not get her own way and is generally disrupting family life.

This tyrant can be as young as two or three years old. What has generally happened in a situation like this is that the child was so loved she was allowed to do practically anything she liked; the parents never set any limits for her, her parents did not curb her demanding behaviour. They inadvertently created their own problem by being overly permissive with her.

To a lesser extent many of us are guilty at times of allowing our children to `get away" with behaviour we generally feel we should not allow. As parents we must try to be consistent in our rules and regulations and keep the boundaries between parent and child clear, instilling discipline in a loving and caring environment.

Time for listening and talking everyday is a must, not just talking about school - however important that is - but chatting about the little happenings in life too. How they felt, how they coped and what they experience is their lives.

In her book Spoiling Childhood, Diane Ehrensaft talks of today's world of "hurried parents" with precious little princes and princesses, feeling guilty about not giving "quality time" to their children.

I feel this maybe the American way, but thankfully we here in Ireland have not taken to "raising our children in the fast lane" yet - and I hope we never will, because the result could be the loss of childhood altogether.

Discipline is not a negative word. Children need to learn that discipline brings with it its own rewards. It can be fun and provide children with a strong sense of control. Disciplining oneself to learn, to practise a musical instrument, to play a sport as well as you can, is rewarding in itself. Think of discipline as a way of helping children to adopt an internal code of rules to guide them through life.

Every parent is capable of disciplining and loving a child without spoiling them. The giving of our attention is sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children. But we just cannot allow children to get their own way all the time because that does not make for a happy, fulfilled person. Mostly parenting is common sense. There is no perfect child or parent; I realise at times it takes effort to say "No" to our children.