PARENTS will often say it is all very well to talk about using rewards and being consistent, but what about those awkward situations. What are parents to do when they are on the telephone and their child starts to misbehave? Rewards aren't much use when you are driving along in the car and a row starts in the back seat.

How reliable are the theories when the child has a tantrum at the supermarket? Will this approach work in the middle of the night? These are issues raised by parents all the time. Here is a framework for dealing with awkward situations.

The first part of this approach is to recognise that prevention is the best method of managing behaviour effectively. When you have to react to a situation which has already developed this is too late. Planning ahead is the best strategy. The framework below is in three parts and can be applied to any situation. For the purpose of illustration, planning a shopping trip is outlined.

Before you go: Avoid taking trips around nap times and just before meals. A child who is tired or hungry will be more likely to be irritable and this increases the likelihood that a tantrum will ensue. Discuss exactly where you will be going and what you expect from your child.

How many times have you announced to your child that he has to get in the car because you are going shopping? The child will not know what is happening or how long you are going to be. Taking a few minutes either the night before or earlier in the day to explain what will be involved in the shopping trip should prevent a potential revolt half way through the journey.

A final point on preparations is that a small reward for co operative behaviour, to be negotiated with your child, will also make the trip more attractive. This can be something as simple as allowing the child to pick what the family are having for dinner that night. The chances are you will be having pizza or spaghetti at least one night in the week. So why not turn it into a treat for your child for being helpful on a shopping trip?

During the trip: The first thing to remember is to praise your child regularly during the trip for co operative behaviour. This may seem obvious but it is easy to forget to do it regularly.

Using praise can be facilitated by involving the child in the shopping as much as possible. Helping in the selection of items, weighing fruit and vegetables, checking prices are all ways of enlisting the co operation of your child. If the child has been co operative then you can provide a small treat. It is important that this treat is provided after the good behaviour and not as a result of a promise to be good while in the shop.

Too many parents are held to ransom by their children who insist on being given something the moment they walk into the supermarket.

After the trip: Have a chat with your child about what went well on the trip. Let the child know how much you appreciated his help. If the trip did not go well then make sure that no reward is provided. Do talk to your child about what you expect the next time you go shopping. Whether the trip went well or not, it is always helpful to talk to your child about how to make the next trip a better one.

The most important aspect of all three stages described above is communication. It is important to get used to the idea of talking with your child, using regular praise and planning activities with him. In doing so you will realise that your child is much more reasonable than you previously imagined. And those dreaded moments during your week - will cease to be problematic. The same structure can be applied to any situation whether it is planning for a bedtime routine or when you are busy on the telephone.

Another important principle that parents must adopt concerns the timing of rewards. Rewards or privileges should only be provided after a required task is completed. The task could be completion of homework, household chores or tidying up. Parents need to insist that these are completed before the child moves on to something else.

SO the sequence is always - "First you do what I want you to do, then you get to do what you want to do". Work first then play. While this may seem rather obvious, how many times have you given in on the basis that your child promised to do something? My suggestion to parents is ii ever negotiate with your children in this sequence. They must always complete your request before engaging in what they want.

Finally, a word on the use of physical punishment or slapping. This has been a rather controversial topic in recent months. My own position on it is not to tell parents whether they should or should not do it, but to state clearly that it simply does not work.

Slapping is an inefficient and ineffective way of managing your child's behaviour. The reality is that you the parent will feel worse for having done it than your child who is at the receiving end.

Slapping rarely achieves its aim of stopping the problem behaviour.

Indeed, it can often escalate an already difficult situation. Parents have reported that their child will sometimes copy them when they are out playing with their friends or they may try and hit back at their parents when they are being disciplined.

Generally, when physical punishment is used it leaves a bad atmosphere in the household. Some adults will righteously proclaim that it never did them any harm. Sadly, we have no way of assessing that. One of the things I could never understand during my own school days was that if hitting people was such an effective means of punishment, why were the same people subjected to the humiliation on such a regular basis. If it was effective it would not have been used more than a few times on the same individual.

There are a number of options available to parents that are better alternatives to slapping. A clearly laid out reward system will reduce the likelihood of punishment being necessary. Ignoring minor misbehaviour, loss of privileges, changing pocket money or curfew times, requiring extra chores to be done and limiting access to TV, computer or bicycle are all examples of more effective punishments. Keep in mind that these punishments are most effective in an otherwise pleasant, supportive environment.

So don't forget, with a little bit of forward planning, many of the situations you have dreaded up to now can turn into happy and productive experiences for both you and your child.