10 Reasons You Should NOT Come to Australia

1 Everyone in the Christmas queue at Bondi Beach seems to have parcels for Connemara or Cork.

2 St Patrick's Day is an ersatz and embarrassingly crass event with green beer, leprechaun hats and boorish, backslapping drunken Aussies.

3 The beaches might be great in Sydney, but you can be crammed in lousy high-priced accommodation.

4 Before the Sydney 2000 Olympics everything is being dug up or painted and afterwards everyone is going to be broke or bust.

5 It might not get very cold in winter, but the houses and locals are not used to it so it feels freezing. (Bring a coat.)

6 You'll miss the rain, especially in some country areas where it's either a drought or a flood.

7 The Aussies will all want to tell you in great detail about their holidays in Ireland.

8 It's a 24-hour flight.

9 Because of the time difference, people from home will phone you in the middle of the night.

10 You won't want to go home.