'At least I don't own a house that I don't own'

ME and MY MONEY:Jarlath Regan - Comedian/Alternative Christmas card creator

Are you a saver or a spender?

I have tried to convince myself this year to be a saver. But in my heart I know what I really am – the worst kind of impulse-buying /fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants /got-to-have-it/ think-about-the-consequences-later spender known to man.

Do you shop around for better value?

No. It feels like money passes through my hands like sand. Any time I go somewhere to get a bargain, like a €5 table in IKEA I wind up stuffing the trolley full of a load of other junk and get stung at the counter for a hundred. I’m starting to hate shops because they know me too well. They know how to push my buttons.

What has been your most extravagant purchase ever and how much did it cost?

I couldn’t describe what I buy as extravagant. Most of the junk I buy is under €100. That said, I am cursed with the need to collect sneakers I couldn’t afford as a teenager – Nike Air Jordans. I have bought two of the same pairs in the hope I could sell one in 20 years as a collector’s item and put my son through college. I know this will never happen.

What purchase have you made that you consider the best value for money?

Last year I sold my old Ford Mondeo, and through a combination of sheer luck and good timing I wound up buying the car of my dreams for €5,000. I still shake my head when I sit on its heated seats on a chilly morning.

Have you ever crossed the Border to shop?

Only to get fireworks for my inner child and Calgel teething solution for my actual child.

Do you haggle over prices?

I do but it gets you nowhere in this country. For all my attempts the only place where I received a positive reaction is the Park Hotel, Kenmare. My wife and I needed a break away a year ago and only had a certain amount to spend. When I haggled with the manager on the phone he was incredibly decent and threw in some extras. It made what would have been a lovely stay absolutely superb.

Has the recession changed your spending habits?

That’s like asking an Eskimo if the weather has affected the way he lives. I’ve had to change just like everyone else. Now we have our baby I’ve had to accept a lot of my income will be spent on milk that may well be vomited in my face. Which could be a metaphor for the property market on some level.

Do you invest in shares?

Nope. When everyone was telling me to invest in a home I kept telling them that until I had a enough cash to walk in and buy a place outright then I wouldn’t be taking the plunge. At least I don’t own a house that I dont own.

Cash or card?

Always cash. Am I the only one who gets a sickly weird anxiety when using a Laser card and they ask you: “Do you want cash back?”

What was the last thing you bought and was it good value for money?

I just spent €146 on groceries and it felt like shite value, but what can you do?

Have you ever successfully saved up for a relatively big purchase?

I’m still in the process of accumulating the bin-liner of cash to buy my house outright. The way things are going I might only need a canvas bag full of fivers.

Have you ever lost money?

Every year I went to the Edinburgh Festival up until 2010. I lost €5,000-€8,000 on the whole project. Not through bad ticket sales. It just cost a fortune.

Are you a gambler, and if so have you ever had a big win?

I come from a family that went horse racing every Saturday. In 1992 I won more than £150 on a collection of bets on Derby Day at the Curragh. It’s not the most I’ve ever won but when you’re 11 and that happens on the first day of your summer holidays, you consider dropping out of school to live the high life.

Is money important to you?

Up until I had my son Mikey it felt like it was the most important thing. Not now.

How much money do you have on you now?

€3.54.

Jarlath Regan’s range of downright hilarious Christmas cards are available for €1 each from jigser.com