Sorry, crisps, biscuits, carbs: It’s not you, it’s me. Hold on, it’s you

Dear Brain, You’re bored. We don’t need anything. So stop complaining and go outside and play. Yours, etc Body

Ever since our health drive began a few months ago, we’ve been offered much sound advice. Well, all of it had a sound, anyway.

And whenever anyone mentioned the scourge of cravings we listened intently; it’s been one of our toughest opponents.

For many years now, crisps, sweets, chocolate, carbs – in fact, anything guaranteed to make a weighing scales take a deep breath – have been all too familiar. They know me by name. And they call, relentlessly.

I gave up smoking many years ago, but my sweet tooth has been tougher to stub out. While attempting to figure out cravings, it’s easy to become bogged down in endorphins, serotonin, gastric glands and other words that stimulate the release of brain freeze.

So we went back to the fundamentals. Snacks and treats simply taste good. They feel good. And, from the time we were knee-high to a grasshopper, they have been associated with reward and pleasure. So anyone with a plan to battle cravings was entertained.

We listened, we tried, we abandoned. The suggestions included: Advice: Don't eat low-fat, low-calorie, low-taste snacks. Eat your favourite high-everything bar or sweet thing. Just don't eat as much, or buy it as often, as you used to. Result: Can you open a bar of chocolate and not eat it all within a couple of minutes? Apparently, I can't.

Advice: Associate cravings with something else. When you're focused on one thing, such as getting a chocolate fix, force yourself to do something that requires focus and concentration, such as playing a video game.
Result: This didn't work at all. (As an aside, I also now associate video games with chocolate.)

Advice: If a particular task or hobby usually comes with a side helping of food craving, don't do it. This might mean, for example, not turning on the TV at night-time.
Result: Surely there's a way of improving your health and fitness that doesn't require you to make yourself totally miserable.

Advice: Eat a different healthy food when craving for a particular snack. Want chocolate? Eat some nuts or seeds. Sweets? Eat some broccoli or cranberries.
Result: Initially, at least, this had some positive results – particularly when healthy foods, such as fruit, were within easy reach. But, ultimately, the craving still survived.

Advice: The most bizarre piece of advice was to tap your forehead for 30 seconds during a craving. Apparently, there's some research to back up this up.
Result: Ridiculous (though the pain in our head did distract us for a brief while).

While none of the suggestions worked, the cravings have, undoubtedly, lessened significantly in the past few weeks.

A very strange thing happens when you deny yourself snacks and treats for more than a short time. You forget you’re denying yourself things.

I have, apparently, suddenly lost my taste for rubbish. I’m not sure if I’m happy about it. It was, after all, a defining feature. The less sweets and chocolate you eat, the less you crave them.

Who knew?

It’s all about choice: the treats craved for a whole afternoon, or the healthy body craved for many years.

Step by step
- Intellectual approach to losing weight
- Most apps on straps are rubbish
- My daughter is trying to kill me
- It's not you, it's me. Hold on, it's you
- You don't have to turn into an ass
- I met my next child's godfather at a race
- It's tough when momentum runs out
- No sweetness, and lite everything
- Stopping the treadmill with your tummy
- When it's my turn to make dinner . . .
- The kitchen table looks out for us
- Skinny friend eats like an elephant
- Tomorrow we diet
- How to get back into exercise
- At what age do you fall apart?
- I'd jog for wine
- I'm a binge drinker
- What if losing weight makes you sad?
- 12 months later, time for health tips
- The ultimate global deception