Question
My two-and-a-half-year-old son is a lovely, fun child, but he can also be really intense and demanding. He wants my attention all day long and I can find it exhausting. He is not a great sleeper so the days and nights can be long.
I know a lot of this is normal and I should be delighted to have a child who is so full of energy, but he is now having these big meltdowns that I am not sure how to handle. Yesterday, we were playing and he was not happy when I said I had to get up to make dinner. He started screaming and quickly become inconsolable – it took an hour to calm him down – I had to return to playing the same game with him to console him.
I find it hard to get any alone time in the house, even if I go to the toilet he comes knocking on the door. And I have to let him in beside me to avoid another meltdown. He used to be in childcare, and I took parental leave five months ago to look after him and had high hopes this would be great for both of us. Now I feel I am not coping.
My husband is very involved when he is there, but he works long hours as he has been working extra hours to cover the shortfall in our finances so I feel guilty expecting him to be home more and to help me out. I also wonder if I made a mistake giving up work and that makes me feel terrible guilty.
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Answer
Looking after a two-year-old child full-time by yourself is a full-on, intense experience. This can be particularly difficult if your son is not sleeping well and if you don’t have a lot of hands-on daily support. While some two-years-olds can play by themselves for periods, some seek out constant support and connection from parents and caregivers. As you rightly say, this can be a good thing and a sign of a child who is attached and relational, though it can also be exhausting if you are the primary parent.
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Like many two-year-olds, it also sounds like your son finds separation hard and is seeking out your constant attention to feel safe and secure, though once again this is demanding on your time and attention.
Accept your feelings
In thinking how to cope, the first step is to understand and accept your feelings. It is normal to feel exhausted parenting an intense two-year-old who is not sleeping well. It is perfectly understandable that you might feel resentful, frustrated or question your decision about being at home full time. Try not to make things worse for yourself by adding self-judgment and guilt to all these feelings. Try to more self-compassionate and understanding.
Seek more supports
Think about what daily supports might help you manage and cope better. When parenting a young child largely alone, a lot of parents find it useful to build a good routine that helps them get through the day. This might start with some active playtime in the morning, a daily walk, a chill or naptime after mealtimes and quiet playtime with music in the afternoon. How can you make the most of the time when your husband is there?
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Can he take charge of the bedtime routine or help with night-time waking if that is helpful? Additionally, what other supports can you draw upon? Are there some good parent-toddler groups in your area or do you have family and friends who could provide some help – perhaps someone who could commit to take him for a couple of hours regularly during the week?
Do contact your local primary care office or family resource centre or public health nurse for more ideas.
Review work and parenting commitments
I was wondering what scope you and your husband have to renegotiate your work commitments. Though it can be hard to obtain, flexible working can work best for parents, allowing them to both work and be there for their children. For example, one couple I supported both worked three to four days a week and could flexibly manage their hours to cover all of the parenting with a small amount of childcare.
This gave them enough income to manage and allowed them to share more equally in their parenting.
While you might not have this level of flexibility, what options do you have?
Can you go back to work part-time or take some parental leave during the week. What scope does your husband have to reduce hours?
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How much of yours or your husband’s work can be done at home when the other parent is there? What childcare backup do you have?
Also, once your son is two years and eight months he should be able to avail can attend three hours daily free at preschool under the ECCE scheme. Check out your local county childcare committee.
Sit down with your husband and go through your options and try to create a plan that works for all of you.
John Sharry is clinical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology. He is running a Parenting Exceptional Children course starting on March 11th, 2026. See solutiontalk.ie
