The strange story of Moby and his CIA friends

Is this the proof that the vegan tea-shop-owner is in the pocket of Big Government?

Moby claims CIA agents told him that president Trump 'is essentially being run as a Russian agent'. Photograph: Lack Plunkett/AP

Moby claims CIA agents told him that president Trump 'is essentially being run as a Russian agent'. Photograph: Lack Plunkett/AP

 

With Kid Rock mooting a senate run, and Oprah Winfrey touted for president, one feels no mixture of America’s entertainment and political worlds could ever catch one off guard, and then a headline comes along like “Moby Says CIA Agents Asked Him To Spread The Word On Trump And Russia” and it’s once more clear that we’re not yet born.

“They said, like, ‘Look, you have more of a social media following than any of us do” Moby said of his CIA agent friends, “can you please post some of these things just in a way that sort of puts it out there.’”

The chinless tunester claims he knows these types through “years of touring and spending time in DC and New York”, causing confusion among those who find the idea Moby having a big catchment within the CIA hard to believe. Personally, if I had to guess the type of dance music favoured by lanyard-wearing deep state dorks, Moby’s polished MOR-bar-grooves would be the top of the pile – with perhaps Morcheeba and the Crystal Method bringing up the rear.

In any case, the exchange was swiftly interpreted by half the internet as smoking gun proof that the vegan tea-shop owner, who began his career as an anarchist techno-punk, was now in the pocket of Big Government.

“Moby’s a cop” opined @disco_socialist, in one of the more straightforward reactions of this type.

For others, it was proof of an opposing view; dastardly collusion between the green tea left and the CIA, working together as always, so as to spread fake news to unseat president Trump.

Still others, of course, took a third, slightly more brutal view.

“I think it’s just Moby crying for attention” said @Gary_Batey, “If it were really someone from the CIA, you’d think they’d be smart enough to find a celebrity that still mattered”.

John Carpenter rises from the dead

Another artist declared dead this week was John Carpenter, although in an altogether more literal sense, when Rotten Tomatoes memorialised the veteran director in an errant tweet.

“John Carpenter would have been 70 years old today!” chirped the film site, best known for aggregating movie reviews and having the design budget of a rural nail bar.

Carpenter, who made horror classics such as Halloween and The Thing, won the week when he showed up to declare his very own resurrection in person.

“To Rotten Tomatoes”, he croaked from deep within a mist-drenched crypt deep under a native American burial site, “despite how it appears, I’m actually not dead” – a response gets a certified fresh rating from us.

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