In a Word . . . England

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here today to welcome the England rugby team, particularly coach Eddie Jones, to the slaughter house; otherwise known as the Aviva Stadium. That ground which, verily, some still insist on calling Lansdowne Road – abhorrèd as they are at the pervasive presence of Mammon even in such sacred space.

We trust Mr Jones shall today pay dearly for repeated inferences about alleged leniency of referees towards St Johnny of the Drop Kick, before whom there is none greater, praise him: he who yet holds his head high while all about are losing theirs or have already done so to a scrum.

Blessed is he even towards those who persecute and calumniate him (most times!), but woe to such as Ronan O'Gara or Joey Carbery as either obstruct him while he goes about his jersey's work at number 10.

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Yet coach Jones, as he has done before and shall do again, is as all creatures great and small. He is but true to his nature whatever the rare, unexplained lapse into gentility.

“We need to compete brutally [in Dublin]”, he said last month. The foolish one! He is as the scorpion who persuaded a frog to help him across a pond only to sting and kill his transport, leading to the drowning of both. And lo the scorpion’s last words were “. . . but, it is what I do!”

So, as with those other would-be England saviours Boris and Jacob, Mr Jones provokes to weaken, but instead inspires opposition to greater heights.

Dearly beloved, at 4.45 o'clock today, even as the gloom of day gathers in the open and transparent Aviva Stadium, Ireland and St Johnny will defend that Six Nations title so gallantly secured last year in Twickenham, the England Holy of Holies, on March 17th even as snowflakes fell, beating England 24 -15.

Swing low such sweet victory.

Today Ireland and England, those dearest of enemies, meet in less than warm embrace for the 134th time since 1875. Of which encounters England has won 76, Ireland 49, with eight draws. It is deemed, therefore, that Ireland shall win again today to help with the balance of repayments.

So be it.

England, from Old English Engla land, land of the Angles - a Germanic (ahem!) tribe which invaded in the fifth century, after the Roman's left.

inaword@irishtimes.com