Ticket Stubs: Do adjust your steamy sets

 

Hello lovers. It’s almost Valentine’s Day, so screw Fifty Shades of Grey, so to speak, and let’s take a look instead at the genuinely sexiest films of all time.

Basic Instinct Two words: Sharon Stone.

Magic Mike God bless Channing Tatum. The man can dance, but he can also strip. Magic Mike should have been utterly corny, but instead it was a sharp and engaging film loaded with hot dudes.

Fight Club While we’re well aware that this is an odd choice considering it’s about delusional terrorism with a dash of human soap, Fight Club was the film that will forever be remembered for Brad Pitt’s incredible physique, launching a thousand washboard stomachs and placing unrealistic expectations on male leads forever more.

Room In Rome This lesbian erotic film is pretty cheesy and ridiculous, but top marks for actually managing to make an entire movie pretty much set in one hotel room with dialogue that is more at home in a low-budget porn. Shortbus John Cameron Mitchell’s hilarious and incredibly sexually explicit film didn’t cut corners, and the result is a hilarious queer compendium.

Bound The mafia! A heist! Lesbians! The Wachowskis’ debut feature film managed not to lose the plot thanks to feminist writer Susie Bright choreographing the sex scenes out of the cringe-zone.

Dangerous Liaisons Aristocrats + Glenn Close = magic formula.

Secretary The film that made Maggie Gyllenhaal. Secretary is dark, tantric and a masterclass in not showing too much.

Boogie Nights Paul Thomas Anderson took Mark Wahlberg out of his Calvins and into the sleazy setting of the 1970s pornography industry. It worked.

Weekend Andrew Haigh’s gorgeous depiction of a relationship between two men that should have just been a one night stand, but ends up much more tender. Una Mullally

The Kanye doth protest too much

Why does Kanye keep annoying people? We don’t know exactly, but his snarky remarks at the Grammys over Beck are just the latest in a series of Kanye sticking his oar in. Let’s chart his history of annoyance.

2005 “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” 
Probably West’s finest political moment, calling out the then US president live on NBC for failing to act properly in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Bush was raging. Kanye was right though.

2006 The birth of Yeezus
Kanye’s first large-scale Jesus comparison happened when he appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing a crown of thorns.

2007 VMAs
West insinuated that he wasn’t chosen to open the MTV Video Music Awards because of his race. That honour went to fellow rap genius, um, Britney Spears.

2009 Imma let you finish
When West screamed his infamous “Imma let you finish” line while barging towards the mic as Taylor Swift collected a VMA, everyone knew he had gone over the top, not least Beyoncé, who is well able to fight her own battles.

2013 The Zane Lowe interview This was actually an amazing interview, but his over-the-top rants about leather jogging pants prompted several side-eyes, not least from fashion-forward The Ticket staff, who have been wearing them for years.

2013 Bound 2
The ridiculous video for West’s Yeezus tune didn’t so much wind up people as make them guffaw, prompting the inevitable parodies, including a great one from James Franco and Seth Rogan.

2014 Down Under
If you’re screaming at fans to stand up during one of your gigs in Australia, probably best to check that they’re not in the wheelchair area of the arena first.

2015 Beckgate
And we’re back to an awards ceremony, West’s favourite battle ground. Initially West walking on stage when Beck won looked like a gag, but West subsequently said Beyoncé should have got the award. Let it go, dude. 

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