No, Evelyn. I’m not ready to “discover [y]our stunning acrylic furniture collection—elegant, durable, and customizable”. Even as Sanlam Loan Finance (Pty) Ltd has offered me (a “valuable customer”) loans of between 200,000 to 10 million rupees at a low fixed interest rate.
But I was pleased to be selected “as a successful claimant under the United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC) in conjunction with the Bank for International Settlements (BIS) payment scheme”. Who would have thought?
Cynthia Mathias did, chief at the UNCC payments section. Thank you, Cynthia, for your “congratulations” on my “successful claim” even though I have no recollection of making one. However, as I have more wealth than I know what to do with, I must decline your request to supply “full contact details”.
Could I suggest you contact the Oval Office at Washington, DC, where the current occupant would surely welcome any “compensation” from the UN. Evelyn, you might try him too. He’d just love your acrylic furniture. Bigly!
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Sorry, Amy of Xiamen Oready Industry and Trade Co, but I just don’t do customised bags.
Mr Joe Lucas, barrister, my deepest sympathy on the death of your client Mr Martin of the Shell Oil Company, London. Such a tragedy for him, his wife and daughter, to die in that crash, leaving $8.8 million.
No, I’m not next of kin and don’t share the same surname, as you suggest. So I can’t accept your offer to transfer that money to my account, even if I retain 40 per cent (the remaining going to you). Your “guarantee” that I would be protected “from any violation of the law” is deeply appreciated.
Hello “senior citizen” Michael J Weirsky from New Jersey. I’m so happy you won $273 million in that lottery but must decline the €2 million you intend giving five lucky people, such as me! And they say there are no decent people left any more.
Please, Ms Malissa. I sympathise - yet again - at the death of your friend’s late husband, but I really have no use for his Yamaha piano. I don’t even play piano [not my forte].
Mr Cole of the County Ground, Northampton, I must decline your reservations for lunch and dinner at “your restaurant for two batches of our Amateur Cricket Team.” This is not a restaurant.
Offers, from Latin offerre “to present, bestow”.
