A woman said she did not want to be “another statistic to domestic violence homicide” when seeking a protection order against her “extremely volatile” former partner.
They broke up about seven years ago but he continues to harass and watch her and their children, “terrorises me and the kids” and is “making our lives a living hell”, she told the emergency domestic violence court at Dolphin House in Dublin.
He stands at the end of her road watching who comes into her home, has been seen walking up and down past the house and has reported her to gardaí and Túsla, she said.
“He disguises control as concern,” she said.
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He constantly questions their children about her, including asking if she wears make-up and if is she going out, making them “too scared” about access with him. She has adhered to access orders, she added.
Things became “significantly worse” after the woman got involved in a new relationship last year, she said. When she and her new partner took her child for football training, her ex attacked her car and then attacked her and “told me a number of times he would kill me”.
“He told me, ‘Watch, you’re next’,” she said. At that point, Judge Gerard Furlong said such threats were very serious and she should go separately to the gardaí about them.
The woman said it was not the first time he had attacked her. She has been in fear of him for years, believes he will “not stop terrorising me” and is “extremely volatile”, she said.
“I don’t know where this will end. I don’t want to be another statistic to domestic violence homicide. I want to get on with my own life and not to have the kids emotionally abused and coerced”.
The order was granted.
In another ex-parte (one side only represented) application on Friday, a mother got a protection order against her daughter, who is aged in her 30s and has significant alcohol and drug addiction issues.
The daughter recently completed a long residential course for addiction treatment but, within days of returning from that, she relapsed. She took drink or drugs and verbally and physically attacked the woman and a sibling, the woman said. When she saw her daughter had taken drink or drugs on another day, the applicant told her she had to leave.
Her daughter has an apartment but, under a Tusla-encouraged arrangement, she and her youngest child had been living with her, the woman said. Her daughter’s other children spend some days each week with her and she is concerned about the impact of her daughter’s behaviour on all in her house, she added.
Judge Furlong said he would “without hesitation” grant a protection order.
In a different case, a mother got an interim barring order against her adult son. He and his partner were homeless for a time but they got a house, she said. Her son had moved back to her home after his partner “kicked him out”. His partner got a protection order against him.
Her son has a “bad” drink problem and is very verbally abusive to her, the woman said. He had thrown a container of sauce over her, called her names and “threatened to beat the head off me”. He would not give her money, had damaged her property many times and stolen her phone and money.
“He is constantly screaming at me and trying to control me, he won’t let me play music,” she said. While very drunk he threatened to beat up a neighbour to whom she was speaking. She feared things would “get worse” and was worried about the impact on her young grandchild.
She got a protection order against her son several years earlier, when he was 18, but did not pursue it. “I’m too soft.”
She had given him many chances, “he’s my son”, but she was “exhausted”.
When Judge Furlong said he would grant an interim barring order, the woman said: “Thank you for a bit of peace at Christmas time.”
