Wood alone keeps head above waters as passions overflow

TV View: It was, quite probably, Keith Wood's finest performance for his country, and while nobody would doubt that Gordon D'Arcy had an immense afternoon at Twickenham, that Wood didn't go home with the man-of-the-match award beggars belief.

Discipline, composure, self-control, passion, but of the marvellously restrained and controlled variety: Wood displayed all those qualities in abundance as he successfully fought off the temptation to look into the eyes of his fellow-BBC-pundit Martin Johnson at full time and shout "YEEEESSSSS!" The man is pure, unadulterated class.

Instead he just sat back, hands folded in his lap, and wore one of those quiet grins purring cats often display following the digestion of an entire vat of cream.

Jonathan Davies showed no such restraint. He sported a cartoon grin that started just under his right earlobe, swooped down around his chin and soared to rest under his left earlobe, the beam so bright it could have lit up an average-sized town. It read: "Looks to me like your chariots need servicing, boys."

Not much restraint over on RTÉ either. "It just goes to prove that Art MacMurrough Kavanagh was wrong to invite Strongbow in, in 1100 and whatever it is - today's a day for unbridled nationalism," said George Hook.

Brent Pope, by the way, has long since given up trying to understand what language George sometimes speaks, but the linking of Art MacMurrough Kavanagh, Strongbow and Ireland's 19-13 triumph at Twickenham left him looking just as bewildered as Jeremy Guscott, who looked dazed when Craig Doyle attempted to interview him at full time.

Not that the pre-match predictions had given much indication the wheels of that chariot would come off in an Athenry field, as the Twickenham choir might have put it. "God help us," Wood had warned, in the event of England playing like world champions. Tony Ward told us he was "ever the optimist", but still thought England would win by 10 points or more. Brent and George expected a big Irish performance but an English victory.

Only Tom McGurk had a feeling in his "waters" it might be a good afternoon, but George intimated Ireland would need a whole lot more than positive vibes from McGurk's waters to inflict on England their first home defeat in 23 matches.

Back on the BBC they were, menacingly, giving us details of that 22-match run, one that started with a narrow 101-10 win over Tonga in October 1999 and included that victory, the one over Romania, that bore the look of an opening stand between Matthew Hayden and Justin Langer: 134-0.

Kick-off. Well, well, well. Jim Sherwin and Tony Ward, nervously, dared to dream.

Half-time, 12-10 to Ireland. "Are you starting to get that 1994 feeling?" Steve Rider asked Wood. "Yeah, there's a bit of a warm glow alright," he said.

But, back on RTÉ, George still needed warming up. "Ultimately, in boxing parlance, a good big 'un always beats a good little 'un - ultimately the power will win the match for England," he said.

"But the big 'uns are Ireland now," noted Brent, who was beginning to sit up in his chair.

Second half. A nation discovered it can be a touch claustrophobic to spend 40 minutes with one's nose pressed up against the back of a cushion. When Jim Sherwin peaked from behind his to check the clock he was aghast. "How can a minute take so long to tick away?" he asked, with some desperation. It was a fair question.

By now the only holders of Irish passports keeping their cool were the 15 green-jerseyed men on the pitch.

"Ten seconds to go and Ireland have turned it over . . . calmness now from Peter Stringer, CALMNESS," Sherwin hyperventilated.

"I'm calm, Jim, how about you?" Stringer would have whispered into the referee's microphone if he hadn't other things to be doing.

Final whistle. Unlike Wood, McGurk showed no self-control: "What did I say, what did I say? Nineteen-13 may become as famous as 1916," he said, before George and Brent attempted to make sense of this more fruitful Irish Rising.

"It was lost by the extraordinary arrogance of the English coach, who picked the worst team possible," concluded George, hinting he still has doubts about "Sir" Clive Woodward's abilities. "And you have to look at this critically: Ireland's so-called best player had a very poor match, he was probably the worst Irish player on the field," he said of Brian O'Driscoll, "and secondly the Irish scrum creaked all afternoon." "Who cares?" said Brent, at that moment speaking for an entire nation. "Who cares?"

"That's it, you know what to do with your chariots," said McGurk, bidding the audience adieu, before taking his waters for a glass of champagne.