Sports Speak (Part 2)

May

"If Dr McDaid doesn't accept the Olympic Council's policy and rules, and accept that the International Olympic Committee organises the Olympic Games, I can assure you that he will not be visiting the games in an official capacity."

- Pat Hickey, president of the OCI, cuddles up to the Minister for Sport.

"I was inbred into the game by my father."

- Spurs Director of Football David Pleat telling us a lot more than we needed to know about his football background.

"I'm the most meticulous checker of a card on the whole European tour. In fact, I'm twice as meticulous as the next most meticulous man on tour. I check my scores four, five, six times before I hand in my card."

- Padraig Harrington after his failure to correctly sign his card cost him the Benson and Hedges International Open (and the £166,600 first prize), from which he was disqualified.

"I rang all my family and it felt like, 'God, I'm ringing round as if there's been a death'. There hasn't been a death, I just haven't won the tournament."

- Harrington concluding that golf isn't a matter of life and death, after all.

"A preposterous, sulky little twit - with his silly, vain, designer-stubbled face and stupid floppy hair - with nothing to distinguish him but a gift for kicking a ball around a football pitch and an insatiable appetite for self-publicity."

- An art critic pays tribute to David Beckham after the English National Portrait Gallery announced their intention to exhibit a picture of the footballer.

"A boring old shite."

- Jack Charlton's moving tribute to Denis Irwin at the player's testimonial dinner in Dublin.

June

"International football can't be allowed to become a game in which 22 men chase a ball and Germany lose."

- An indignant Klaus Kinkel, former German foreign minister, after Germany's woeful Euro 2000 displays.

"I'm coming for you. I'm going to rip your heart out. I want to eat your children."

- Mike Tyson proving - if proof were needed - that professional boxing is almost as credible as wrestling these days with this threat to Lennox Lewis.

"We were in an awkward position against Yugoslavia, in that in order to win we needed to score more goals then they did."

- Earth to Spanish coach Jose Antonio Camacho?

"They don't take any prisoners, the Germans."

- Peter Shilton commenting on the prompt departure of German coach Erich Ribbeck after the tournament.

"Long live the mother who gave birth to you."

- Spanish sports newspaper Marca headline after Spain scored twice in injury time to beat Yugoslavia 4-3 at Euro 2000.

"When I saw the headline 'English face the axe' I immediately thought it was a great idea. Yes, forget the rubber batons and hi-tech water pistols - let's see the Belgian police wading into the knuckle-draggers with razor-sharp choppers."

- Scottish Daily Record columnist Tam Cowan pulling zero punches in response to those riots at Euro 2000.

July

"It's Venus' party and no one was invited."

- One of the many messages scribbled on a board by Richard Williams during his daughter's Wimbledon triumph over Lynsey Davenport.

"The only person who did not realise Joey Dunlop was a star was Joey Dunlop."

- TV reporter after the tragic death of the motor-cycling legend.

"It's a different feeling. When I was growing up Epsom was always 'over there', the greatest race in the world, and you never even think you'll win it."

- Trainer John Oxx after the unthinkable actually happened - Sinndar completed the English and Irish Derby double by winning at Epsom.

"Those girls are not on the road to maturity. They are in a time warp. I feel sorry for them."

- Earl Woods, father of Tiger, suggesting he's not a member of the Williams sisters' fan club (Venus and Serena).

"I had arguments with her. There were times when you'd find guys selling drugs nearby and the courts were so raggedy and we got shot at. But I always said: 'It's OK, because they're not dead'."

- Venus and Serena Williams' father Richard on how he reassured their mother Oracene when their training was interrupted by gang warfare.

"How about moving it to the summer?"

- Pat Cash on being asked what he'd change about Wimbledon.

"I tried to enjoy it, but struggled and couldn't wait to get off and get home. It was always going to be difficult because I just don't like the place."

- Lee Westwood commits blasphemy by admitting he's no fan of St Andrews.

August

Murray Walker: "Button into the right hander and out of it, and the gap between him and Mika Hakkinen is a mere three tenths of a second. If he keeps this up he's going to go up to the second place on the grid . . . looking smooth, looking clean, looking totally in control of things . . . over the line will go Jenson button and HE IS IN . . . Martin Brundle: "Third Murray, he's in third."

- An average commentating day for Murray Walker, this time at the Belgian Grand Prix.

"Finally it would appear that those who have claimed in the past that the GPA is elitist and only representative of a greedy minority may very well have been proven right today."

- Jarlath Burns, chairman of the GAA Players' Committee.

"I watched this 12-year-old with the most beautiful swing and I said 'well, one day you might win the grand slam like Tiger Woods.' Then it dawned on me`- he'd only 12 years to do it."

- Gary Player on the difficulties in emulating you-know-who's achievements.