"In the ambulance, I told the medical people: 'Keep my boots, I won't need them again'."
Christian Eriksen on his chat with the paramedics who treated him at Euro 2020. And then he made his comeback with Brentford in February of this year. Magic.
A banner was left outside a house on the Wirral back in June warning Rafael Benítez off becoming Everton manager. “We know where you live. Don’t sign,” it read. The problem? It was the wrong house.
Slog On The Tyne
"It has been very, very tough – to never be wanted, to feel that people wanted me to fail, saying I was useless, a fat waste of space, a tactically inept cabbage head."
Apart from that, Steve Bruce loved his time at Newcastle.
Sorry Not Sorry
"We would like to issue an apology to Mr David Goodwillie… in error, we reported that he had been ruled to be a racist in a civil case in 2017… actually, Goodwillie was ruled to be a rapist in that case."
Sky Sports News with an apology for the ages.
It was a rough season for Sheffield United striker Oli McBurnie who finished up with just one goal in 30 appearances. To add to his woes, his house was broken in to, his eight designer watches, including one Rolex, stolen. How sympathetic was Twitter? “Do you buy a new Rolex for every goal you score?” Not a lot.
"We met over Zoom and he seemed incredibly engaged, compassionate and charming."
Then British Education Secretary Gavin Williamson on his online "meeting" with Marcus Rashford… except it was England rugby player Maro Itoje. Oh Lord.
To Be Honest
"We don't know what to do with the ball."
David de Gea pointing to a potential cause for Manchester United's dire season.
"It reminds me a little bit of when EastEnders went from two episodes a week to three back in the nineties – absolutely killed it."
Kenny Cunningham with a majestic analogy to describe how he feels about the prospects of a biennial World Cup.
The Longest Goodbye
"It's 10 years too late."
Neil Warnock offering a fond farewell to referee Mike Dean on hearing he was retiring at the end of the season.
A Word Of Advice
"He needs to add goals to his reservoir."
Paul Ince leaving Scott McTominay severely confused.
That’s how many million euro Kylian Mbappé will – reportedly – earn a week at PSG over the next three years after signing his new contract. Ample.
A Big Name
Jeff Stelling: "Carney Chibueze Chukwuemeka makes his Premier League debut today for Aston Villa."
Paul Merson: "Has he got a nickname?"
Merson: "The lad with all the letters."
"You've got to give Man City some respect, otherwise it will be a Holocaust and you don't want that."
You certainly don't, Carlton Cole. The apology followed swiftly.
"I wouldn't even use it to clean the dishes in my bungalow."
Peter Shilton on the jersey worn by Diego Maradona in the "Hand of God" game which was sold for just the €8.4 million.
"CATS' LIVES MATTER."
The banner flown over Anfield where a certain Kurt Zouma was in action for West Ham
The banner left by Verona ultras outside Napoli's ground which provided the Russian air force with the coordinates for the city of Naples. No, seriously.
"I guess they probably did try to approach him, but he's thought, 'nah, I want to win some trophies'."
Roy Keane on why Antonio Rüdiger might possibly have turned down a move to Manchester United.