Compiled by Mary Hannigan

McCarthy's men abroad

Never mind the contest for the Golden version, featuring your Shevchenkos, Rauls and the like; who's in pole position for the Green Boot, our coveted prize for the highest-scoring Republic of Ireland player on foreign fields? Take a bow Owen Coyle, who ran from the halfway line to score in the 89th minute against Inverness Caledonian Thistle on Saturday, his 20th goal of the season for Airdrie.

Now, we don't, of course, presume to know which strikers Mick McCarthy intends bringing with him on that jaunt out east in the summer, but we'd hazard a guess that Coyle won't be one of them. Clinton Morrison, though, has a half decent chance, and scoring his 19th goal of the season on Saturday won't have done his CV any harm at all. Oddly enough, Morrison has scored all 17 of his league goals at home (getting only two, in the League Cup, away from Selhurst Park). McCarthy will hope he travels a bit better come summer.

Millwall's Richard Sadlier is the third on 16, followed by David Connolly (13), Ben Burgess (12), Richie Foran (10) and Cardiff's Graham Kavanagh (10, the only Irish midfielder in double goal-scoring figures). Foran, incidentally, might have been impressed by the headline we spotted on the Internet last week: "United snatch Foran in £6.9 million deal". Hopefully Richie's time will come, but for now it's Diego Forlan who's made Old Trafford his new home.

Rambo caught short

If Sylvester Stallone is ever the subject of a This is Your Life tribute, we recommended that the producers don't invite Kevin Beattie to share his memories of working with the big lad. The London Evening Standard spoke to the former Ipswich defender last week about his involvement in the film Escape to Victory, in which he acted as Michael Caine's "skill double". Beattie, it seems, was none too impressed with Stallone, who played goalkeeper Robert Hatch. "He didn't want to know the footballers and would eat on his own. He struck me as an arrogant sod, to tell the truth. The film actually makes him look good as a goalkeeper. Paul Cooper was supposed to teach him to dive properly, but he thought he could do it all himself and wouldn't listen. He's not really big enough to be a goalkeeper. Producer Freddie Fields told me that in the Rambo films he had to wear platforms to make him look taller. He's a short-arse really."

Bladder blather

Spare a thought for Norwegian striker Sigurd Rushfeldt, who was the source of much mirth in a Portuguese court last week during the fraud trial of former Benfica president Joao Valee Azevedo. Onefootball.com reported Azevedo's allegation that he changed his mind about signing Rushfeldt because "when we presented him to the associates and to the fans he urinated in his pants because of the excitement and the pressure, that's why we called the deal off."

The court session was promptly disrupted by the eruption of hysterical laughter at poor Rushfeldt's expense. "I have not wet myself since I was four," the player insisted when told of Azevedo's charge. We believe him, too. After all, Azevedo (allegedly) pocketed money Benfica should have received when they sold a player and used it to buy a luxury yacht named Lucky Me. Nuff said.

Quotes of the week

"He's the biggest left back in captivity."

- Big Ron Atkinson on Spurs' Anthony Gardner (from DangerHere.com).

"The day I decided to leave the club was when six or seven people came in with guns and told the players 'You are going to win today or else'. I thought: 'That's it, I'm going'."

- Dundee's Argentinian goalkeeper Julian Speroni.

"From a sporting point of view Beckham would appeal to us very much, but not when I realise it would mean his wife - that Spice Girl - coming with him."

- Bayern Munich general manager Uli Hoeness rules out a move for Posh Spice.

"As I said to Kevin Horlock, we can't all be generals, someone has to stand on the pavement and wave as the generals go by on their horses, and if there is no one there the generals wouldn't go by on their horses."

-Hearty thanks to Peter Corkery for this Kevin Keegan nugget.

"He has been known to paint the lines on the pitch by dipping his head in the paint."

- Paul Kitson's revelation about West Ham team-mate John Moncur.

Website of the week

2sexyfootballers.tripod.com Last week Football 365 recommended a website set up by two sisters from Rio de Janeiro, Paula and Thayz, that goes by the superb and unfathomable name of "2 Sexy Footballers.Is Time To Have Lunch", dedicated to the men they believe are the world's hunkiest players. The sisters aren't yet entirely fluent in English, but, fair play, it hasn't held them back. Some tasters:

Pavel Nedved: "Met his wife, Ivana, when he was 16 years old and they got married when he was two."

Stefano Fiore: "When was child, ate fish giblets to win force in the muscles."

Paolo Maldini: "He confess that his wife, Adriana, doesn't have familiarity with the kitchen."

Lucas Castroman: "Is ambidexter and very powerful fiscally. Has Italian citizenship thanks to his motherly grandparents."

Kily Gonzalez: "Feels a kind of shivering for his body when is dressing the Argentine National Team shirt."

Gabriel Batistuta: "In his childhood when he finished eating a can of sardines, he immediately can would become it a toy car."

Best of all, though, was the information provided on Italian goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon: "When was child played as midfield. He decided to be goalkeeper when he lost the will to run. Doesn't like to use long pants during the games because feels discomfort and unskilful. He was considered a night life lover, but now he is different - loves to stay together with someone special, but he prefers to live alone. He says that even when he get married, he will live alone."

Football on TV

TUESDAY: Manchester United v Liverpool (Premiership), Sky Sports 1, 8.0.

SATURDAY: Middlesbrough v Manchester United (FA Cup), Sky Sports 2, 1.0; Kilmarnock v Celtic (Scottish Cup), Sky Sports 1, 5.35.

SUNDAY: Arsenal v Liverpool (FA Cup), BBC1, 1.0; Darlington or Peterborough (replay today) v Newcastle (FA Cup), Sky Sports 2, 4.0; Manchester City v Ipswich (FA Cup), BBC1, 7.0.