Planet Euro 2004

Zinedine KahnOur favourite German newspaper, Bild, had a novel way of attempting to inspire Rudi Voller's boys ahead of last night's meeting with Holland.

Under the headline "We need 11 Zidanes" they displayed a picture of 11 German players with Zinedine hair-dos. Some of them worked reasonably well. Not so sure about Oliver Kahn's Friar Tuck look.

Pins and needles

Meanwhile, the Swiss have been taking a leaf out of Holland's book by producing a voodoo doll to help them get the better of England tomorrow. Readers of several Swiss papers and magazines have been provided with a cut-out doll of an England player, accompanied by the caption: "Let's all rip this page out, pin it on the wall and stick in nails, needles and staples."

And we thought the Swiss were peace-loving people? (PS: The doll, with the David Coulthard jaw, is supposed to be David Beckham. Honest).

Euro Talk

"God sent us a kiss from above with England's defeat by the French."

- Croatia Football Association head Vlatko Markovic does a bit of ZZ-hailing himself.

"Some people think of us on a par with the Faroe Islands, that we are good for nothing."

- "Gee, thanks," Faroe natives are entitled to say to Switzerland's Alexander Frei.

"I was there last night and I've got to say it was on fire. Not literally, mind."

- Peter Reid after a pre-England v France visit to the Estadio da Luz in Lisbon.

"Ancient Greece had 12 gods - Modern Greece has 11."

- A Greek banner hails its all-conquering heroes.

"Larsson's header changed the complexion of the game. As goals normally do. That's why you score them."

- Johnny "No flies" Giles, as heard by Dangerhere.com.

"We just had D-Day together. Your Queen celebrated with our Chancellor the liberation of Europe from the Nazi dictatorship. What you said is pitiful."

- German columnist Franz Wagner none too pleased with Ruud van Nistelrooy and his second World War chat.

Neigh lad

Back to Bild. Their revelation yesterday that the Dutch team is being fed on horse meat ("No joke - the horse burger is to help, legally, with the build up of muscles") was, unfortunately, accompanied by a photo of Ruud van Nistelrooy and a horse.

Which reminds us: stand up the hack who dared his colleagues to ask the same player, after Ireland's triumph in Amsterdam, "Why the long face?"

The Headlines

"God Save Zidane" - L'Equipe.

"Kicked In The Gauls." - The Sun.

"Sweden-Bulgaria 5-0. Please, let it be true." - Swedish paper Aftonbladet.

For the record

So much for Scotland getting behind England in Euro 2004, as a recent poll suggested would happen. The Scottish Daily Record hasn't stopped laughing since ZZ's late double, and celebrated by listing "10 terrific England moments that made us wet our kilts", amongst them Ireland's Euro '88 win over England.

"For those who believe Sven's men are going to win Euro 2004, here are two words for you. The first is Emile. The second is Heskey," they concluded.