`Our Gud as retired - what do we do?'

BLACK SUNDAY, May 18th, 1997. 3.38 p.m. Old Trafford. Martin Edwards, the chairman of Manchester United: "Eric Cantona has indicated his wish to retire from football with immediate effect."

When a deep personal tragedy strikes it's difficult for others to know what to say. Bless em, they try to find the right words, but, on Sunday, they just didn't understand the pain.

"Sure, they'll just buy somebody else won't they? Like yer man Junio or that baldy fella at Barcelona," said one of them. "Somebody else? SOMEBODY ELSE?

It was like when Bagpuss, our cat, was run over by a Post and Telegraph van in 1974 while sleeping on the road outside our gate. "We'll get you a better cat," the family offered in consolation. "I don't want another cat - I WANT BAGPUUUUSSSSSS."

So, at times like this you need to be with your own. People who understand, people who won't say things like "sure he was past his best, wasn't he?"

Internet land. The Manchester United Forum, where fans from all over the world can type `live' messages to each other. Before lunchtime on Sunday they were merrily discussing the prospect of Juninho linking up with Cantona next season.

Looking back at the index of messages on Sunday evening, with the time they were sent written beside them, well, it was like watching the opening scenes of The Sinking of the Titanic. The characters blissfully unaware of the disaster that was about to strike. But by 12.34 JB sensed something was stirring.

12.34. "Today's press conference Anybody know what it's about," asked JB.

12.38. "Press conference? What press conference," asked Simon.

12.45. "Radio 5 has just repeated the announcement and seem to be quite sure it's about Eric's future - but I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," replied Boris.

12.47. "Re news conference: Cantona to retire ?," asked a nervous Neil Casey.

3.39. "Cantona retired - official," wrote Phil Eisenberg.

And then all hell broke loose.

"Please. I am in distress. Cantona The King is no more." (Choomsak from Thailand).

"Cantona has retired - my life has just ended." (Lauren).

"Dave Btandt Is On The Forth Bridge Threatening To Jump." (Rastus).

Then the Scandinavian Reds heard the news.

"It a sad day for us Utd fans. Eric we love you the Cantona. Ere has coem to an end. What will we do without you. For the last tmje I sing - oh ar oh are Cantona." (SR).

"Our Gud as Retired. What do we do?? Our Gud, Kinig as retired. This is a disstar. Is a very sad day to the world." (Rotem Almagor).

"Eric isn't leaving, he stays in my heart, always. Here ends the age of legends. Here begins the dusk of gods." (Heartbroken).

"Nobody can't take the place of Eric. How will scoor all those goal that Cantona did? How will serve the balls to Ole-Gunnar or Andy - not Poborsky, not Beckham, not Batistuta." (Juha Hiitela (14) from Finland).

Then two impostors arrived to join in on the fun.

"Where's your Eric gone? I've just seen the news! Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear! It seems your lucky rabbit's foot has just retired. I am going to have another look at Ceefax, I must be dreaming - Christmas in May?" (Lee, a Liverpool fan).

"Au revoir nutcase." (An anonymous Manchester City fan).

It was the end of the world as United fans had come to cherish it since Friday 27th November, 1992. That's when Cantona took one look at the shackles placed around his free spirit by Howard Wilkinson, said `non merci', tunnelled his way out of Elland Road, climbed over the Pennines and arrived at Old Trafford.

Manchester United BC (before Cantona): What do you get when you cross an Oxo cube with United? A Laughing stock. That's what it was like. 1967, that's when they had last won the league. Eric was one then. Leeds, Arsenal, Liverpool, Derby, Nottingham Forest, Aston Villa, Everton and EVEN Manchester City had won the bloody thing in that period.

In 1991-92 the drought was over. So we thought. We were already drunk on champagne when United did a Foinavon and handed the title to ... of all people ... Leeds (avec Eric).

Manchester United AD (after Dieu) were an entirely different animal. Five seasons, four league titles and two FA Cups. He helped them win with style too. Bicycle kicks, banana kicks, scissors kicks, flicks, backheels, volleys, chips, lobs and that's just what he did to his opponents.

The kung-fu kick was of course, the most famous of all. That's when United fans had to learn the art of defending the indefensible ... but Cantona made it so much easier by attacking a racist yob with a criminal record and not an 93-year-old upstanding member of the Salvation Army. When Eric lost the plot he did it with style.

We bad to defend his poetry too. That was hard. Especially the `Seagulls and sardines' one. Still, it beat `gutted', `over the moon Brian' and `I was just happy to see the ball bit the back of the net'.

They say Paul Scholes is his heir apparent? Fine player is young Paul, but he's no poet. Ask him why he has his hair cut so short and he'll say: "obviously it's quicker, you know, obviously, to wash, and obviously dry. Obviously." Eric? "I shaved my head to feel the fresh rain and the strength of the wind on my skull." Aaaah.

Granted, no United fan believed be would stay at Old Trafford till he was 36 and then move on a free transfer to Darlington, before ending his playing days at Dagenham and Redbridge. That was never going to happen. But this? Too soon, far, far, far too soon.

Obnoxious, arrogant, insufferable headcase. That's what United fans thought of him when he was at Leeds. Post-November 1992? Probably thought the same, to be honest, but what the team needed more than anything was an obnoxious, arrogant, insufferable headcase who thought he was God. Which of course is what He was to United fans. A God. A Dieu. Adieu?