Mary Hannigan World Cup TV viewYou can forget Sky News exists at a time like this. When we dropped in yesterday we experienced a slight déjà vu. The last time we visited them during a major tournament they were feverishly anticipating a bit of bovver from the England fans, and a bit of bovver, bless them, is all they can show live from Germany, in the absence of any World Cup rights.

Back then they hired hooligan consultant Dougie Brimson to talk them through the trouble they expected, and as a retired hooligan himself there was no better man than Dougie to share his expertise at tossing chairs at foreign police and dodging water cannons.

Sky was at it again yesterday, not with Dougie this time, but with Helger Plank, a spokesman for the German police. We can only hope for Helger's sake his name isn't as entertaining in German as it is in English.

Kay Burley asked Herr Plank if there was even a sniff of bovver. "Vee can report about a very calm night tonight," he beamed, "vee are very proud of ze English fans, they got drunken, yes, but vee do not have any problems with them."

And if there is any bovver? "Vee act kind and frank and restrained, but also wery determined if necessary," he said.

Trouble last night after the Germany v Poland game? "Yes, vee had some problems, but it's wery friendly matters in Germany." Honestly, it was like an Après Match sketch.

Ecuador v Costa Rica. So, it was time for another instalment of ITV's 1966 "mini-series". "Who was impressing you most at that time, Terry, was it Pele, Eusebio or Brigitte Bardot?" asked Steve Rider.

"You got it in the wrong order, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," said Tel. "There was no doubt there were two of the greatest . . . strikers I've ever seen," he said.

"I was wondering what you were going to say there," chuckled Steve.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," said Tel, "it's that sort of programme, is it?"

Sam Allardyce and Stuart Pearce nigh on spontaneously combusted with mirth.

Back to the football. "Ecuador could win the group now and avoid England - and that would be a bonus for 'em," declared Stu Pearce. Oi, stop laughing at the back.

And so, England v (alphabetically) Tobago and Trinidad. Rider suggested that T&T should not be underestimated, in light of their performance against Sweden, before suggesting to his panel that it could be "a romp or a rout".

"We're anticipating the kind of day that England and England fans should be able to relax and enjoy," he said to Tel. "And we'll be even more relaxed if we get a whopping win," grinned Tel, "T&T have lived the dream but it's time to wake up, we have to have a reality check here tonight."

"T&T are learning all the time," smiled Rider gently, a smile so gentle you'd have whipped out your T&T replica shirt, if you had one.

Back on RTÉ, Gilesie, Liamo, Eamo and Sounie echoed the ITV panel's thoughts. Hey, hey, aren't the old ones the best?

"I don't like the English press, I don't like Eriksson, I hope they get stuffed," was the gist of Eamo's good luck message to the England camp.

"Good afternoon, everybody, I'm well aware that not everybody watching wants England to win," said RTÉ viewer Clive Tyldesley, who, as the half wore on, attempted to keep a lid on the nation's Wayne Rooney obsession. "There he is, our Freddie Flintoff, our Jonny Wilkinson, our game-breaker. You can't take your eyes off him, can you?"

Half-time. "T&T are facing the kind of football that, in the lower leagues in England that they play in, they face every week: aimless punts forward from poor players, this really is third division football," said . . . go on, guess.

And to Eamo's summary Liamo added: "No brains, no guile, it's a no-show so far."

Second half. "Off the leash at last," wept Tyldesley when He came on. "The next 35 minutes could make or break England's ultimate ambitions. Many believe that they cannot win the World Cup without that man," he said. "No pressure, eh," chuckled Gareth Southgate.

And then - and forgive the over-lengthy match report - England scored twice.

"Pleasure postponed, until they meet a good team. But we had 80 minutes of pleasure, they're a pub team, Bill," said you-know-who.

ITV. "It's one-on-one at the far post with Crouchie and he's gonna dip 'is bread, inne?" said Stu. So we went for our tea.