Mary Hannigan's Planet Football

Yesterday's Observer shared with us possibly the finest and most revealing interview ever conducted with a footballer, one they found in the Non-League Paper.

Rooney keeps things tight

The player? Graham Rooney, younger brother of Wayne, who has just joined non-league Burscough and who beat British Olympic silver medallist Amir Khan in the National Schoolboys' Under-16 Boxing Championships two years ago. Ready? Paper: How did you beat Amir Khan? Rooney: "Just did." Paper: Where did you beat him? Rooney: "Can't remember." Paper: "Which do you prefer, boxing or football?" Rooney: "Don't know really." Paper: "Why did you join Burscough?" Rooney: "Just did." Paper: "Do you hope to follow in your brother's footsteps?" Rooney: "Don't know."

At which point, we'd guess, the interviewer gave up.

Galactico Kilbane

Forget your Keanos and Duffers, Kevin Kilbane is the real Galactico of the Irish team, hence that name given to him by Everton fans: Zinedine Kilbane. And now you can celebrate his greatness by helping yourself to one of these T-shirts on the Football 365 website. Also, naturally, available in green.

Duff gathers up his ski

Speaking of Football 365 T-shirts: here's another offering, this time in honour of the Russian left-winger from Ballyboden.

Quotes of the week

"I would say that his handball for their equaliser is unforgivable, though we have to move on because we need Fredi at the weekend. Probably."

- Spurs manager Martin Jol, prepared to let bygones be bygones and forgive Kanoute for blowing Spurs' chances of beating Liverpool in the League Cup.

"I can't understand it. It was a corner and there was no pressure on him. How can he handle in a situation like that? Fredi is disappointed, but he did it and lost us the game."

- Jol, about to let bygones be bygones any minute now.

"In training he always scores penalties as well. This was our shortest way into Europe and made easier with Liverpool's different team."

- Jol, after second thoughts, damned if he'll ever forgive Kanoute (who he dropped for Saturday's game against Blackburn).

"They are getting in because of lack of numbers, not because of brilliance."

- David O'Leary pays tribute to his young stars at Aston Villa.

"Chelsea will have a blip. They will lose games."

- Alex Ferguson thinks if he says this often enough it might happen.

Riordan sets Record straight

Spotted on Saturday: "An article in yesterday's Daily Record stated Hibs player Derek Riordan was on loan to the club from Sunderland when he was part of a group of players fined a week's wages when they were involved in an incident which led to disciplinary action last year. We are happy to point out Riordan was not on loan from Sunderland at the time of the incident when he and other players took part in an 11-hour drinking session involving a trip to a strip bar."

Let's get this right: the main source of annoyance and embarrassment for Riordan in the original article was not the allegation that he "took part in an 11- hour drinking session involving a trip to a strip bar", just the claim that he once played for Sunderland?

Delia doubles up on loyalty

Let's just put it this way: if the granny of an Ipswich supporter asked for Delia Smith's latest cookery book for Christmas not only would she not get it but she'd probably end up spending Christmas alone. Delia, of course, is a Norwich City director and a lifelong supporter of Ipswich's greatest rivals, there just ain't any love lost.

Or is she a lifelong Norwich fan? Well, not according to the evidence provided by the fastest selling Ipswich Town-related gift this Christmas (see picture below right). The T-shirt, sporting the caption "Once a blue always a blue", shows Delia wearing an Ipswich rosette in 1978 when she visited the city for the BBC's Saturday morning show Swap Shop.

It is, then, a dangerous game for well-known figures to claim a lifelong allegiance to a club. Who'll ever forget Tony Blair's attempts to prove his credentials as a Newcastle die-hard? - i.e. he claimed to have watched Jackie Milburn from a seat behind the goal at the Gallowgate end of St James's Park.

(1) Milburn retired when Blair was four, Blair first went to St James's Park when he was 14; (2) there were no seats at the Gallowgate end until the 1990s.

More quotes of the week

"My objective is to give my maximum for City in order to find a big club."

- Nicolas Anelka, yet again kind of half-implying that City aren't Real Madrid-like.

"The ideal would be that City become a great club, but if that happens I will be 35 years old."

- Anelka, at it again. Incidentally, he's 25 so he reckons City can become a great club in 10 years. It's the way he tells 'em.

"I have spoken to one of the club captains and I am certain that the players want to take measures to fight against racism. I will ask them to paint their faces black before they go on to the pitch next Sunday."

- Angel Torres, president of Spanish club Getafe, suggesting a re-enactment of the Black and White Minstrel Show will solve Spanish football's racism problem.

"I have no problem with doing that, but I don't think we need to do anything quite as drastic."

- Getafe forward Gica Craioveanu, slightly unconvinced by Torres' suggestion.

Poetry in motion . . .

"The line-up of the Republic of Ireland on 18-6-1994. Packie Bonner. Denis Irwin. Phil Babb. Paul McGrath. Terry Phelan. Ray Houghton. Andy Townsend. Roy Keane. John Sheridan. Steve Staunton. Tommy Coyne." There, we wrote a poem about that World Cup win over Italy. And very proud of it we are too, even if it doesn't rhyme. Our inspiration? German poet Peter Handke who penned "The Line-up of FC Nuremberg on 27-1-1968", an ode that contains no more than the names of the 11 Nuremberg players who lined up that day.

Handke's poem, and not our own, is included in the first issue of Anstoss (Kick-off), a magazine that is, apparently, part of the "artistical and cultural programme to the 2006 FIFA World Cup".

It doesn't sound a whole lot like Shoot but then the man behind it, Raju Sharma, explained that "football has long been the subject of aesthetic and intellectual reflection", which no Shoot editor we know of ever claimed. This, perhaps, explains the inclusion of an article entitled "Football lawns as the skipjack heroes of botany", a topic, funnily enough, we were only discussing last night.