Groan of the week

Last week FIFA announced that the 1999 Women's World Cup tournament will be refereed entirely by women officials. A good move, we think, because these days boy referees are just a shower of big girls' blouses. Take Paul Alcock for example - the man Paolo Di Canio shoved over in a Premiership match a few weeks ago. Alcock has announced that he has been undergoing intensive physiotherapy treatment on the injuries he sustained in the incident. "But it has gone much deeper than that," he revealed. "Last Tuesday, I was in a London hospital under general anaesthetic having treatment on my back to put a disc back in place. Since the incident I have had continuous pins and needles down my left leg. I was unable to sleep without painkillers and it has been hard for me and my family." Now, we're not condoning Paolo's actions . . . but blimey Mr Alcock, don't you think you're getting a little over-excited here? It was a shove, a less than brutal, vicious, ferocious shove. What? You're suing Paolo in the civil courts? Oh. Right. Those pins and needles must be a bummer. And those sleepless nights. And the post-traumatic stress. And, worst of all . . . the whiplash.