Bluffer's guide to surviving without the Olympics

IT’S LATE August so the days are getting longer again. Not that there’s anything unusual about the autumn equinox, but with the 2008 Olympic Games now over, we’ve suddenly found ourselves outside again, blinking in the sunlight (what there is of it). But the cold sweats and tremors are setting in already, so we’ve been desperately reaching out for some way to get over the post-Olympic blues.

We know we’re not alone, sure the organisers claim more people watched the Games than live on planet Earth. And the Games aren’t proving easy to let go of.

We did, of course, tune into the women’s beach volleyball final, for no other reason other than to watch US pair Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh become the first team to win back-to-back golds in the sport (we weren’t as interested in the US pair, whose names we don’t remember, accomplish the same feat in the men’s final the following day).

Two weeks ago most people would have said Woodies DIY was the best bet if you were looking for an Usain Bolt. Now they could tell you what Michael Phelps has for breakfast (three sandwiches of fried eggs, lettuce, tomato, cheese, toast and three chocolate chip pancakes – which does not, we can confirm, in itself make you a good swimmer).

While we’ve been slowly coming to terms with the realisation we may not be an expert on rhythmic gymnastics and the scoring system in boxing, we’ve also been sparing a few thoughts for the Beijing residents, who, apparently, are walking around under a cloud of depression (as opposed to the regular, darker clouds theyre usually under).

Even in economic terms there is such a thing as the Olympic curse, which China hope to avoid.

So, our top five suggestions for how to survive after the Olympic Games. . .

5 – Write to the IOC demanding hurling and Gaelic football be added to the Games. Dead cert golds for Ireland. End the letter with “Synchronised swimming? Come on!”

Incidently, for three Games up until 1992, there was Solo Synchronised Swimming. Enough said.

4 – Buy a 2012 calendar and start the countdown (a 2007 calendar will do the job).

There’s only 1,430 days to go to London’s turn.

3 – Try some of the sports you have witnessed during the past few weeks.

Some of our politicians have suggested Ireland could hold an Olympics, so why not take the kids down to the local velodrome or rowing and canoeing park. Or go to one of Ireland’s many indoor running tracks. No? Your loss.

2 – Watch the Paralympics, which start Saturday week. Eurosport will broadcast some live coverage of the 11-day event; RTÉ and BBC will show evening highlights.

1 – Get some sleep.

– DAMIAN CULLEN