Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

The Hulk: Gets angry

YOU might recall that Porto were none too pleased with Manchester City supporters after they very unkindly chanted “you’re not incredible” in the direction of their striker Hulk during that Europa League game between the clubs.

Well, hats off to Hulk for bouncing back and scoring a rather incredible goal against Benfica in their top-of-the-table 3-2 win last week, a 108kmh thunderbolt from the corner of the box (YouTube is your only friend).

As a PS, though, all concerned were a bit flummoxed by Porto being a little over-sensitive about the City singing – in fairness, though, it has since been revealed that they also chanted: “Spiderman’s right – you’re ****ing s***e.” Oooh, harsh.

Damning with the faintest of praise: Trapattoni's tactics leave Kerr unimpressed

"Okay, the positives. The first 39 seconds weren't bad at all."

– Brian Kerr, tingling after Ireland's game against the Czech Republic.

"You can't bite your nose off to spite your face."

– Sky Sport's Paul Merson cautions against self-cannibalism.

"Totally p****d off...this is not what i deserve! f**k all!!!!!"

– Federico Macheda tweets calmly in response to being left out of the QPR squad.

"Training was a bit religious today. The sun was shining an GOD came to train with us for a few days. #LEGEND."

– Blackpool's Gary Taylor-Fletcher tweets excitedly about the divine presence of Robbie Fowler at training.

"I simply can't believe he is now coach of England . . . how he managed to get such a position within the English FA is amazing."

– Bryan Roy sends a big "well done" to his ex-Notts Forest team-mate, Stuart Pearce.

"We only want to win. I have no idea what they want to do at Arsenal."

– Zenit St Petersburg coach Luciano Spalletti welcomes Andrey Arshavin home – and blows a raspberry in Arsene Wenger's direction.

"They just let me free and I am enjoying this liberty."

– Fabio Capello enjoying life after incarceration with England.

"Headline from the Arsenal Official Website: 'Theo scores a lot in training.' Well yes. But then again, he does get to play against the Arsenal defence."

– Football 365? Tsk.

"I hope that he did not call me up because I have a pretty face and I brushed my teeth."

– Louis Saha puzzled as to why French coach Laurent Blanc named him in his squad.

"It is a very different between those two guys – more of a husband and a wife. They fight, but they love each other." – Mario Balotelli's agent Mino Raiola on the player's relationship with Roberto Mancini.

Creature comforts: In a shortbread estate of mind

EVEN though his international break ended in disappointment with Northern Ireland's 3-0 defeat to Norway, it was good to see that Niall McGinn (the Derry City old boy who's now on loan at Brentford from Celtic) enjoyed his stay with the squad at Culloden Estate Spa.

From his Twitter account: @nmcginn14: Another gorgeous dinner at the @cullodenestate never disappoints.

@cullodenestate: Glad You're Enjoying Niall. Can we get you some Tea to your room? :)

@nmcginn14: yea tea and some shortbread would be nice lol

@cullodenestate: You in your room? I'll have some brought down in 5mins.

@nmcginn14: sure am

@cullodenestate: Enjoy

@nmcginn14: tea was lovely and also the shortbread went down a treat thanks a million

@cullodenestate: Always a Pleasure. See you for Breakfast.

Two questions.

(1) In this modern world, is room service now only available through Twitter?

(2) What happened the days when footballers smashed up their hotel rooms and threw televisions out the window, that class of thing. Or was that rock 'n' rollers?

Now? Tea and shortbread and an early night.

Gone for a Burton: Little sentiment from Carragher

WE'RE a whole week late with this one, but look, better that than never.

Andy Burton, you might recall, is the Sky Sports reporter who was suspended for his part in that Richard Keys/Andy Gray business involving Sian Massey, the referee's assistant for Wolves' game against Liverpool last season.

Well, he had a chat with Jamie Carragher after Liverpool's League Cup win last weekend and it went like this:

Burton: "You're not starting in the team at the moment, is this the start of a farewell?"

Carragher: "No, I don't think so . . . who are you? Are you the manager?"

Burton: "No, I'm just asking because you look like you were sentimental about this today."

Carragher: "You were lucky to keep your job with Sky, weren't you, after that Wolves stuff?"

And there the chat ended.

Result: Carragher 1 Burton 0.

Caught in a Trap: Lots of wind but not enough sail

"In the past they had ships with sails and they had to go wherever it was the wind took them. Now, you can set a course and that is what I have done with this team. But if you depart from the course then you end up on the rocks."

– Capt Trap, trying to stay in deep water.

"O'Shea made a mistake. To do so is human. It's a mistake. It's okay. What am I going to do? Am I going to shoot him?"

– You had to hope this was a rhetorical question.

"We can not simply get three or four new players from an Aladdin's lamp."

– Well, we can get one: James 'Pele' McClean.

"I don't like to keep talking about this team playing 12 times without losing but it has played 12 times without losing."

– Point made.

"Can you take a joke? When I saw this the other night, I thought, oh, this must be Messi or Maradona or Pele. I am not being offensive. I know the way the media works and what happens with people."

– Still reluctant to hail James McClean as the new Messiah.

Sleeping beauty

If you're ever called up to the Republic of Ireland squad and end up sharing a room with James McClean, make sure you disarm him of his camera/phone before you take an afternoon nap – otherwise the image could end up on Twitter.

Shane Duffy will know better next time.

Hopefully.

France: You must be kitting

AFTER revealing their away kit for Euro 2012 last week, the trophy should just be handed to France now.

In fashion-speak: exquisite. As Nike told us: "the shirt has a classic white body with seven thin obsidian blue stripes on the cuff of each sleeve to represent the iconic French design of the mariniere."

And let's be honest, obsidian blue stripes never fail.

Portugal's shirt? In fashion-speak: Huh?

Forbidden love: Striker shows a weakness for rivals

IN one of the season's many 'what on earth was he thinking?' moments, Italian striker Simone Apicella celebrated his goal for Avellino against Napoli by raising his shirt to reveal his heart was actually with rivals Salerno.

Avellino were not amused, condemning the player in a statement, saying he had shown a lack of sportsmanship and broke "the principle of respect for opponents and the public".

Despite Apicella apologising for his actions, the club, after a high-powered meeting involving their director general and technical director, decided to ban the player for two months.

Hopefully he'll do some growing up in that spell. He probably will too – after all, he's only 13.

Psycho killer

IT was good to see the Sun refusing to be too hasty in its judgment of Stuart Pearce's reign as England manager last week, despite that defeat by the Netherlands.

Kidding. Not only did they present Harry Redknapp with a birthday cake, they penned a tune for him too: "Harry Birthday to you, Harry Birthday to you, We've had enough of Psycho, So over to you!"