With the festive season upon us and the stress of Volodymyr Zelenskiy’s visit to Dublin behind him, it was the perfect time for Micheál Martin to launch his Government’s greatly anticipated 30-pint plan.
Tánaiste Simon Harris, Minister for Public Expenditure Jack Chambers and Minister of State Marian Harkin (representing the fun-loving Regional Independents) spilled out with him on to the steps of Government Buildings on Wednesday morning to demonstrate their wholehearted support for this excellent initiative.
It was clear that the four of them are determined to give it a lash.
They were only short of wearing Christmas jumpers.
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The fun never stops with Micheál.
He was in the Dáil chamber a couple of hours later where Sinn Féin’s Pearse Doherty was standing in for Mary Lou McDonald and he didn’t even come close to losing his rag.
Micheál’s 30-pint action plan also comes with 4 stout “pillars”, a “comprehensive roadmap” and a determination to demolish the “12 barriers to infrastructure development that were highlighted in the Report on Stakeholder Consultation and Engagement with Emerging Themes on Infrastructure” which was published in July.
We all remember that.
Being the Taoiseach, Micheál got first dibs on unveiling the plan. But it really belongs to Jack Chambers and his Department of Public Expenditure, Infrastructure, Public Service Reform and Digitalisation.
So there is quite the bang of Fianna Fáil off it.
“Proportionality” is a big thing in the 30-pint plan, which is not to be confused with the 12 pubs of Christmas and, we have now been told, contains points and not pints. But we’re not entirely convinced.
Micheál, Simon, Chambers of Commerce and Marian had a Government of Ireland lectern – the ones with a hidden shelf in the back with room for a pint glass.
Advisers to the two party leaders faffed around during the placement of the lecterns in case some imagined advantage might accrue to one or the other because of where they were standing in relation to the cameras.
“You’re centre right, Taoiseach!” shouted Micheál’s man when he bustled out through the double doors.
“Don’t be saying that out loud!” he quipped, eyeing the waiting journalists.
It was very cold outside and there is a perfectly good media centre indoors but the imposing backdrop was more important for the optics.
Despite the PA system, some people complained afterwards that it was hard to hear what the politicians were saying over the chattering teeth of the shivering hacks.
This was a soft launch – unlike the behind-the-scenes promotional activities already well under way by the two main Coalition parties, both anxious to claim as much credit as possible for this new, all-action, barrier-busting pathway to progress and fast-track delivery framework towards accelerating the blueprint for rolling out time-sensitive national infrastructure.
If it works, it could be the making of the country.
Whole of Government? But of course.
But quick, read Fianna Fáil’s stand-alone press releases and luxuriate in their eye-catching flyers first.
Or be stupendously impressed first by Fine Gael’s groundbreaking good news videos, rushed out in line with the new rapid-delivery ethos. Groundbreaking because you’ll crack a tile when your jaw hits the floor looking at the worst of them.
In a Dáil day when the overriding theme was “energy”, at least there was energy coming from the Coalition’s pledge to clear away the embedded legal, regulatory and bureaucratic obstacles standing in the way of much-needed projects in areas such as housing, transport, roads and utilities.
There was energy in the efforts of Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael to slap their brand on the Coalition’s collaboration.
In the chamber, there was a marked absence of it, despite Leaders’ Questions kicking off yet again with Sinn Féin attacking the Government for stopping universal energy credits this winter.
Pearse Doherty said this was particularly “scandalous” in light of the information received on foot of a Freedom of Information request by his colleague, MEP Lynn Boylan, revealing that officials from the Department of Energy warned that the need for credits for people struggling to pay bills “was stronger this year than last”.
[ The Irish Times view on the infrastructure report: this plan needs to workOpens in new window ]
The Taoiseach responded, as he has done without deviation almost every week, by saying that using funds to assist those households most in need is preferable to handing out money to everyone, including the very wealthy who can well afford to pay their own way.
“You must be the only left-wing party in Europe and across the world that doesn’t believe in targeting resources,” he told Sinn Féin, repeating for the umpteenth time that millionaires would benefit from their proposals.
Later in the afternoon, more than two hours were set aside to hear statements on energy costs, mostly delivered to bare benches in the near-deserted chamber.
But never mind, because there was the Government’s big 30-pint action plan to mull over and explanatory brochures to read and videos to watch.
Fianna Fáil, perhaps because it is one of its Ministers driving the expedited infrastructure delivery plan, is more low key in claiming ownership of it. There were press releases welcoming “Jack Chambers’ new 30-action Infrastructure Plan”. Galway backbencher Albert Dolan is quoted declaring “it will prove transformational”.
His colleague from Cork, Seamus McGrath, says “Fianna Fáil to fast-track critical infrastructure projects across Ireland”.
And so on.
However, Fine Gael would say they started the ball rolling.
In her statement, TD Paula Butterly noted that Fine Gael’s general election manifesto in 2024 called for a dedicated Department of Infrastructure and “while that remains our ambition, this plan is the next best thing”.
Both parties are, separately, scaling up and speeding up delivery.
“Today we launched our infrastructure plan” is the heading to a snazzy Fine Gael video. Along with another saying: “And with that, Fine Gael launches its infrastructure plan. The party said it would do this and now it’s making it happen.”
They’ve launched it. Massive progress there.
[ Can the infrastructure plan tackle Ireland’s packed trains and traffic gridlock?Opens in new window ]
But the aforementioned Paula Butterly is the star of the Fine Gael promotional campaign. The deputy for Louth features in a baffling video which somebody in the party must have thought was a good idea and made total sense.
This 15-second incomprehensible gobbet of silliness features Paula sitting on a sofa in her spartan office, apparently trying to stick a biro up her nose. It is set to a familiar tune from the opera Carmen.
“Love is a rebellious bird that no one can tame.”
Paula is trying to throw the biro into a mug on her desk.
The words “If I make this shot, Fine Gael will launch its infrastructure plan” flash up along with shots of Paula’s biro flying everywhere and hitting the doors and the walls and even some poor unsuspecting Fine Gael chap sitting in another office minding his own business.
Then a disembodied hand places the pen in the cup (maybe Simon Harris) and Paula leans back and throws up her hands and a foot in amazement as the killer punchline flashes up: “Launching later today.”
She never says a word.
And that’s it.
Whatever genius came up with idea must have had a sneak preview of the 30-pint plan.
