Sir, - As a bus driver, I spend most of my year looking upon the best and the worst of humanity in the city of Dublin. With the New Year upon us, may I, through the good offices of your Letters column, make a few observations regarding those who insist on using alcohol as a social lubricant?
Firstly, excessive use of the grape or grain does not give the inebriate access to a cache of Wildean wisdom. It does not bestow a penetrating wit, nor does it draw the listener into the warmth of your magnetic personality. It just makes you a mouthy drunk.
Secondly, if you were timid by nature before the first drink, then let me assure you the much vaunted brewer's apron is highly overrated as an instrument of social equalisation. Nor will it lighten the weight of the chip on your shoulder. It just makes you a nasty drunk.
Thirdly, to the individual who recently attempted to spread the Christmas spirit on my bus by groping several women: amazing as it may seem to you, pal, a skinful to drink does not bestow this right. It just makes you a drunken groper, as opposed to a sober one.
Finally, to all those drunken drivers who operate under the maxim, "If I stay right over to the left and drive at a constant 15 m.p.h., then nobody will know that I'm three times over the limit": Trust me, people, we know. - Yours, etc.,
David Smith, Harmonstown Road, Artane, Dublin 5.