'The next few weeks will be hell, I hope it's worth it'

Victim's story: For Patrick Bennett, who was serially raped by Seán Fortune, the report brings back horrific memories, writes…

Victim's story:For Patrick Bennett, who was serially raped by Seán Fortune, the report brings back horrific memories, writes Carl O'Brien in New Ross

Every day 39-year-old Patrick Bennett struggles to come to terms with the repeated sexual abuse inflicted on him by Fr Seán Fortune two decades ago.

As he sits at the window of his newly opened restaurant in New Ross, overlooking the river Barrow, his voice quivers and his fingers tremble.

"It's constant," he says. "Physically, I still bear the brunt of it. I call it Fortune's calling card. I have no control over my bowels because of the damage done to me. I have to suffer that two or three times a day. Watching him on the news last night, I felt physically sick. I can almost smell him.

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"That's what I need people to understand. For 20 years I went around more or less like a drug addict, and alcoholic, more or less. I was a dead body. I was envious of friends in graves who didn't make it through."

Today is especially painful. For the last two years life has changed for Bennett. He has picked up the pieces of his life, found a loving partner and fathered a child. He is beginning to experience living again, he says. But the publication of the Ferns report, while a positive step, threatens to bring it all back.

"After spending so long trying to get over what happened, it's hard to have to deal with it all again. The biggest fear is, will it all be worth it? The older generation needs to realise what happened and accept what happened." As a schoolboy, working part-time as a commis chef, Bennett - known as Benny to his friends - first came into contact with Fr Fortune.

The priest was nicknamed "Batman" because of the sweeping black cassock he used to wear. Stories swirled around that he was gay, or to be avoided, he says.

The first time Bennett says he was abused was when he hitched a lift from Fethard-on-Sea. It was the beginning of serial rapes against him and other boys, all following a similar pattern.

The boys were manipulated into thinking it was their fault, they were labelled "evil" by Fr Fortune, and intimidated into not speaking out about what was happening to them.

"We'd be relieved when other boys would be around, because it meant we were safe. It didn't last long. I spent around two years there. Basically, at minimum, it happened two or three times a week."

For Bennett, the word "abuse" doesn't cover the horrific detail of what he experienced. What he and others experienced, he says, was on a different level.

"The things he done to me in the course of raping me . . . After an incident I tried to do something about, he came and raped me. Before he ejaculated, I had to finish him orally. He said to me, 'Now you know what my goodness feels like'. I know that's hard to hear. It might never end up in print. But that's what happened. And people need to know about this."

Things began to change after he saw the BBC documentary Suing the Pope. Bennett began to seek help. He received counselling through One in Four, the support group for abuse survivors, and found solace in family and friends.

He received an out-of-court settlement from the diocese of Ferns and spoke to the inquiry team behind yesterday's report.

The last two years have been better, but some days, like yesterday, are still a struggle.

He is now looking for recognition of what happened, accountability for those who allowed it to happen, and the framework to ensure it never happens again.

"As regards me and my family, the next few weeks and months will be hell. I'll probably have to go back into counselling. I just hope it's all worth it.

"We have to accept what happened in the past; we can't change that, but hopefully we can change the future."