Summer time to test your general knowledge and wit

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: This week I have put together a small collection of jokes, puzzles, quotations and an illusion for your…

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE:This week I have put together a small collection of jokes, puzzles, quotations and an illusion for your summer amusement, writes Dr William Reville.

Problems 1-5 were taken from  www.scientificpsychic.com/mind

PUZZLES

1. A bear walks south for one kilometre, then it walks west for one kilometre, then it walks north for one kilometre and ends up at the same point from which it started. What colour was the bear?

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2. A chicken farmer has figured out that a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half. How many hens does the farmer need to produce one dozen eggs in six days?

3. The chicken farmer also has some cows, making a total of 30 animals, and the animals have 74 legs in all. How many chickens does the farmer have?

4. Think of a number. Add 7 to it. Subtract 2. Subtract your original number. Multiply by 4. Subtract 2.

5. At a party, everyone there shook hands with everybody else. There were 66 handshakes. How many people were at the party?

JOKES

6. An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world were all posed the following question: "What is 2 + 2?" The engineer whips out his calculator, taps away at it for a while and finally announces "3.99". The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician thinks deeply for a while, oblivious to the rest of the world, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can prove an answer exists!" The philosopher strokes his chin for several days, finally asking: "But what do you mean by 2 + 2?" Finally, the accountant closes all the doors and windows, looks around carefully then asks, "What do you want the answer to be?"

7. "I have a truly marvellous demonstration of humour, which this e-mail is too small to contain . . ."

8. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered that question!"

9. A frog went to see a fortune teller. "What do you see in my future?" asked the frog. "Very soon," replied the fortune teller. "you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you." "That's great!" said the frog, hopping up and down excitedly. "But when will I meet her?" "Next week in science class," said the fortune teller.

10. A pessimist, an optimist and an engineer are discussing a half glass of water. The pessimist says its half empty, the optimist says its half full, the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

QUOTATIONS

11. "The truth of our faith becomes a matter of ridicule among the infidels if any Catholic, not gifted with the necessary scientific learning, presents as dogma what scientific scrutiny shows to be false." (Saint Thomas Aquinas)

12. "God isn't compatible with machinery and scientific medicine and universal happiness. You must make your choice. Our civilisation has chosen machinery and medicine and happiness." (Aldous Huxley)

13. "Sigmund Freud was a novelist with a scientific background. He just didn't know he was a novelist. All those damn psychiatrists after him, they didn't know he was a novelist either." (John Irving)

14. "Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men." (Martin Luther King, Jr)

15. "Scientific discovery and scientific knowledge have been achieved only by those who have gone in pursuit of it without any practical purpose whatsoever in view." (Max Planck)

16. "In so far as a scientific statement speaks about reality, it must be falsifiable; and in so far as it is not falsifiable, it does not speak about reality." (Karl Popper)

17. "Religions that teach brotherly love have been used as an excuse for persecution, and our profoundest scientific insight is made into a means of mass destruction." (Bertrand Russell)

ILLUSIONS

The rows of black and white squares are all parallel. The vertical zigzag patterns disrupt our horizontal perception.

QUIZ ANSWERS

1. The bear was white because it was a polar bear. The only place on earth where a bear can go equal distances south, west and north and end up where it started is the North Pole.

2. Three hens.

3. Twenty three chickens.

4. My guess is that your result is 18.

5. Twelve people.

• William Reville is Associate Professor of Biochemistry and Public Awareness of Science Officer at UCC -  http://understandingscience.ucc.ie