Parties reach unity, of a sort, just before the glorious disarray of an election

The President will have plenty of time to dust down the good china and put the kettle on. She knows the Taoiseach will be paying her a visit sometime between this Saturday and next Tuesday

IMAGINE THE scene: Arthur Morgan sitting on the floor, twinkling like a little Buddha. Pearse Doherty, all six foot of him, prostrate on the tufted Wilton but offering no resistance. Their two colleagues, election candidates both, handcuffed to a table leg.

Brian Lenihan, Eamon Ryan, Michael Noonan and Joan Burton, bewildered. Riot police tooling up next door in Government Buildings.

Sure that must have been why the Garda helicopter was circling overhead last evening before Sinn Féin’s dramatic exit from the fast-track to franchise talks.

Pearse stood at the top of the steps to the Department of Finance and relayed details of the episode to a delighted media.

“It was nothing short of disgusting” said the deputy for Donegal West, radiating the zeal of the righteous.

He described how Brian Lenihan, who was chairing the meeting, asked Sinn Féin to take no further part in the proceedings.

“We refused to leave,” declared Doherty, after the talks had been adjourned. At which point, the Shinners walked out.

It all sounded very dramatic. Arthur and Pearse, refusing to go, refusing to talk. “We did just sit there in silence,” deputy Doherty confirmed.

Oh, the excitement. A Castlereagh type situation developing in Brian’s office with an astonished Eamon, Michael and Joan looking on.

Sadly, the truth was more pedestrian.

It was a sit down protest by the Shinners all right, but only in as much as they were sitting on comfy chairs.

Former Green minister Eamon Ryan was first to leave the building. “We’re taking a short break” he said. “Aah no, I don’t think this should take long.” It was just a matter of getting the paperwork finalised.

He didn’t appear any more stressed than usual. He never mentioned that a minor revolution had taken place back inside.

Pearse arrived out next with his proclamation. “What we are seeing is the consensus of cuts all over again,” he thundered, hardly pausing to draw breath as the full majesty of his indignation flowed in torrents over the delighted hacks.

No. He and his colleagues would not be returning to the table to have anything more to do with the “grubby little deal” being hatched inside by the other four.

Then they swept off virtuously down Merrion Street.

The Minister for Finance took to the steps after them. He was oblivious to the protest too. “I am very glad to say we’ve got agreement on a way to put the Finance Bill through” said Brian.

Ditto Michael. Ditto Joan.

All singing from the same hymn sheet. Extraordinary.

“I’m really glad it happened” said Eamon Ryan. Unity, of a sort, at long last before the glorious disarray of a general election campaign.

Like the duck who walked into doors, there had been talk of a “truncated Bill”, but this now does not seem to be the case.

A joke doing the rounds of Leinster House after one politician said the Finance Bill would cover “the bare essentials” – it appears to have originated on Twitter – was that it would be known as “the Bikini Bill”.

Joan Burton accused Sinn Féin of “flip-flopping” on its support for its passage. Bikinis and flip-flops, it gave a hint of summer to the madness.

All were at pains to point out that setting the date for the general election is “the Taoiseach’s prerogative”. They were all too nice to say that it’s Brian Cowen’s prerogative to announce the date they insisted upon.

Failing to agree the Opposition’s timeline would have meant certain defeat in a confidence motion next week. Best to avoid that last indignity. The white flag was hoisted by Fianna Fáil.

The Finance Bill will go through this week – possibly on Saturday, but maybe on Friday.

A final capitulation for the Cowen administration. In fairness to the Opposition, they tried their best to convince that it was a civilised decision reached by all parties – bar Sinn Féin.

The President will have plenty of time now to dust down the good china and put the kettle on. She knows the Taoiseach will be paying her a visit sometime between this Saturday and next Tuesday.

The Dáil is on standby to sit on Saturday, as is the Seanad. Another extraordinary development.

Michael Noonan was laid back about what happened in the brief talks with the Minister for Finance. “Arragh, sure you know what happened” he said.

Joan Burton had a copy of the week’s timetable that was agreed at the meeting. She held it out for the cameras. Peace in our time.

Meanwhile, a clearer picture of what happened was beginning to emerge.

When opening statements were made, Sinn Féin said they wanted no truck with any plan to rush through the Bill. The Minister pointed out that the meeting was called for the very purpose of finding an agreed way to do this.

He invited them to leave as they had nothing to contribute.

Doherty got up to leave, but Arthur Morgan prevailed upon him to stay. They might have something to say. As it turned out, they did make a few points on the Finance Bill in the course of the talks.

So did they walk out? “They didn’t. They just weren’t there when we came back after our break,” said an official.

Lenihan didn’t hang about. He has his own election to fight, and by all reports, seems to be fighting a rearguard action for the Fianna Fáil leadership against Micheál Martin. He makes his pitch to the parliamentary party with the other three contenders today.

Micheál was said to be on the telephones looking for support yesterday.

He kept out of the limelight. The supporters of the all four were out and about over the airwaves.

Eamon Scanlan of Sligo is proposing the candidature of Eamon Ó Cuív.

His man, he told the lunchtime news, “is a hard worker and he is the grandson of Éamon de Valera, our founder.” But the best endorsement came from Deputy Máire Hoctor, who is seconding the nomination of Mary Hanafin.

Quote of the day from Máire: “I believe that Mary Hanafin has an incredible portfolio behind her, and, indeed, in front of her.” Quite.