RADIO REVIEW:TO ADD my own th'pence-worth to the most tedious story of the week, I'd like to kick-start a campaign. "Derek Mooney for The Late Late Show!" Mooney has publicly stated he'd love the job, so why wasn't he mentioned as a contender? As the odds are now on a career plan hatched by baby Ryan Tubridy with Fuzzy Felt and an Etch-A-Sketch way back in kindergarten coming to fruition, it wouldn't hurt to throw Mooney's name in the ring.
Mooney (RTÉ Radio One, weekdays) and his "byyyeee!" catchphrase has a loyal following from his Winning Streakdays. Grannies are the backbone of this country. Sitting in a flu-ridden doctor's waiting room in Wexford on Monday surrounded by women of a certain age, it was clear from their animated faces, as they listened to Mooney and Brenda Donohue chuckling like mad yokes, that this was one microcosm of their afternoon niche.
On Monday’s show, the sportscaster reported on the National Greyhounds Awards in Naas. “The bitch of the year award went to . . .” Of course, this being Mooney, that’s as far as he could get before the “Wahahahaha!” started as Mooney and Donohue burst into fits of laughter, like two kids in the back of the car.
As for Mooney getting The Late Late Show, why not? No one on this planet would appreciate it more and it would annoy the pants off everyone, which would be yet more entertainment. Plus, he doesn't act like it's his divine destiny. Asked to comment on-air, he said, "I'm not getting it. What more comment do you want?" Donohue joked, "Sure, he's wearing a tank top, that says it all!" It's that camaraderie I keep coming back for.
Moncrieff (Newstalk 106-108, weekdays) “broke the story” on Wednesday of the sewage tax in the emergency budget. Henry McKean asked Corkonians what they thought of this crap tax. “Will we go back to basics for number twos? Back to nature?” he asked. “When I’m out on the job the nearest ditch would do me,” one man told him. A texter with irritable bowel syndrome complained that sufferers will be unfairly targeted.
They also had an item on a volcano discovered in Donegal while digging foundations for a 100ft Daniel O’Donnell statue when molten lava oozed out. “Eithne McGonigal” said, “There has been a 24-hour prayer vigil to change the path of the lava. If not, the archery club will be completely destroyed.” Moncrieff also did an obituary of Sean Lemass’ long-lost half-brother, a transvestite named Samuel Ignacious Running Bull.
David Coleman dealt with a backlog of parenting problems, which included a little boy stuck as a pirate for weeks, who won’t brush his teeth anymore, and greets everything with “Oarrr!” Coleman suggested he watch Captain Jack Sparrow who has no limp and great teeth. Another mother rang up saying her son keeps farting loudly and saying, “Yeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about.” The last time he did it was in Confession.
Also on April 1st – the same date as that Moncrieff show, just in case you were wondering about those weird and wonderful items – Irish Congress of Trade Unions (Ictu) economic advisor Paul Sweeney told Pat Kenny on Today(RTÉ Radio One, weekdays) that inheritance tax is too low, "half-a-million per brat". Hilarious, right? Except this was no April Fool. Sweeney was back on Today on Thursday to make amends. "I used the word, but for that I apologise." A texter suggested that he must have been thinking about his own children. "Not at all," Sweeney said, "My children are great."
On Wednesday's News At One (RTÉ Radio One, weekdays) Sean O'Rourke interviewed Fred Harrison, author of Boom Bust: House Prices, Banking and the Depression of 2010. . . published in 2005. A year ago, he told O'Rourke, "I can't see any way at the moment of rescuing the Irish economy from the likely outcome which is a protracted period of depression."
He suggested a land value tax rather than taxes on labour and employers. George Lee responded, “We’d all love a magic wand,” and said we’d have to wait for a global economic pick-up. That’s when it turned into a face-off. “I’m sorry to say this, George, but you are precisely 100 per cent wrong,” Harrison shot back. He then warned that, based on the current Government strategy, “Ireland is going to go down the pan”. Byyyeee . . .
qfottrell@irishtimes.com
