'I am losing hope. After such a joyful beginning'

Burma: A 39-year-old Burmese man who has taken part in this week's protests in Rangoon speaks on condition of anonymity:

Burma:A 39-year-old Burmese man who has taken part in this week's protests in Rangoon speaks on condition of anonymity:

"On Tuesday, I cried tears of joy. Now I don't believe that we will change anything. Yesterday was the first day I went to the protests on my own. All my friends were too scared to go out on the streets after being gassed and shot at over the last few days. I woke up feeling more depressed and less optimistic than I have all week, but I felt it was my duty to carry on protesting. I was frightened, but aren't we all? If everybody hid indoors, nothing will ever change, and we will never be able to draw attention to the hopeless situation our country is facing . . .

I left the house at around noon and took a taxi downtown. I could have taken a bus - public transport is still running normally and most people are carrying on their working lives.

When I arrived in the centre, there were around 20,000 people gathered in the street, far fewer than earlier in the week, when there were up to 100,000 people . . . I didn't see more than five or six monks - they are all still being kept somewhere secret after the military rounded them up on Wednesday night . . .

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I couldn't believe it when I heard about monks being killed . . . Almost everyone in Burma is Buddhist, including 99 per cent of the army and police, so I can't understand how they could even consider laying a finger on a monk, let alone murdering them . . .

Today we just stood together, peacefully and quietly . . . Then, at around 1pm, the military tried to break up the group . . . The crowd then got angry, and people started swearing at the soldiers, saying 'This is bullshit' and 'Hey, f-cking die'. That's when the soldiers started shooting. Not tear gas, but bullets . . .

When we heard on the news on Thursday night people had been killed I was in shock. Even Burmese television admitted that nine people were dead.

I took part in the protests in 1988 when I was just 19, and this week has brought back all the memories . . . But the big difference between 1988 and what is happening now is that, back then, the protest was started by students. This one originated with the monks. Monks never normally get involved in politics, so I knew this was important.

I met with my friends in a tea shop and we discussed what to do. We had seen the monks on TV, dressed in their heavy robes despite the sweltering heat, and thought we could help them by bringing along water.

On the first day, I felt very excited. We went to the Shwedagon pagoda, Burma's most sacred shine, where we saw 60,000 monks and quite a few ordinary members of the public. That day we all marched to a park and heard speeches . . . I went home elated and that night cried tears of joy.

On Wednesday, it started getting nasty. Again, we went to the Shwedagon pagoda with water, but arrived to find the four entrances blocked by barbed wire. About 200 monks who had gone ahead of the others were trapped inside.

When other monks tried to get in, the riot police started using tear gas and beat up around 20 of the monks, as well as around 100 ordinary people who were helping the monks.

They were taken away in a truck, where they were beaten like animals with a baton . . .

Although my eyes were stinging from the tear gas, at that point I still felt optimistic - we were suffering for democracy and for the freedom of future generations.

But my optimism faded on Thursday when we arrived to find the pagoda and nearby monastery deserted. It was then we learned the monks had been rounded up during a dawn raid and taken away by the military.

I am rapidly losing hope. After such a joyful beginning, I now don't believe that we will be able to change anything."

- (Guardian service)