MARIANNE CONBOY is preparing for her third and youngest child’s First Communion on May 24th and, as she and her husband Seán were never ones to make a “huge splash”, the recession will not affect how they mark the occasion.
They will have a family party at home in Naas, Co Kildare for eight-year-old Cara, as they did for their other daughters, Sinéad (14) and Catríona (10), she explains.
Cara was going to wear the same dress as her sisters had used – a “stunning” silk one which Conboy had spotted in a charity shop for €25 for Sinéad.
Two years ago, before the term “credit crunch” had entered the vernacular, she found some of the younger mothers seemed surprised at her passing on a dress from one daughter to the next.
However, last summer they saw a beautiful, slightly off-white, A-line shift dress in Debenhams for €15, which Cara loved, so they bought that and she will now be fitted out for the day at a cost of less than €60, including shoes.
“People do go mad spending money and let them at it if they have it. It’s nothing to do with me. You do see people who have spent €300-€400 on the dress and, really and truly, you wouldn’t know which is €300 and which is €50.”
There will always be some parents who go way over the top, some who do absolutely nothing and then the majority who will be somewhere in the middle, she points out.
The Conboys live in the Diocese of Kildare and Leighlin that four years ago developed the parish-based “Do This In Memory” programme for First Communion, which is used all over the State now, as well as being taken up in parts of Scotland and the US.
Parents and parish leaders are much more involved in the children’s preparation, instead of leaving it all to the teachers in the Catholic schools.
Conboy was on the organising committee when her middle daughter, Catríona (10), was preparing for her First Communion two years ago. She says that with this new programme, which includes a series of monthly Masses from the previous September onwards, parents who might not have been going to Mass regularly often start going back.
She herself would have been “hit and miss if I’m honest” in Mass attendance before Sinéad’s Communion. “I certainly would be regular now.”
Being the youngest, Cara is much more aware of the prospect of getting money for her Communion than her two sisters would have been, says Conboy, who is a bit uncomfortable with this side of it.
“They are only eight. I don’t let them keep the money; I put it in the credit union for them. I do let them buy something out of it and I encourage them to get something for their sisters.”
Some people think they have to put €50 in a card, which she thinks is mad. She would put €20 in for a family member and a bit more for a godchild.
As for the idea of giving money to all the classmates, Conboy has made it clear to parents of Cara’s close friends that she won’t be doing this.
“I have heard of people coming in with 30 cards, with €10 or €20 in each of them. It’s like a chain letter. If people keep going along with that sort of madness, it will keep going. But I think it is going to stop anyway now with the recession. People don’t have that sort of money to throw around any more.”
Ann-Marie Ashby, whose first child is making his Communion, is not sure what the “done” thing is regarding gifts to classmates.
“So instead of giving them money and being worried about it not being enough, or being too much or putting other parents under pressure, I sponsored a day at the Mater Hospital [where my dad had heart surgery] for the date of their Communion,” she explains. She also had a personalised prayer card made up on eBay with the school name and date of Communion on it and will give that out, along with a note of the Mater Hospital website where they can view the day named for their class.
Her son is wearing a suit which they bought for £59.99 (€67.50) in Newry, Co Down, and a tie from Penneys. “It looks exactly like any other suit, expensive or not.”
Ashby says that from what she hears, a lot of people still go overboard but she is happy “throwing together a bit of salad for family to relax around the house. We feel we would be more uncomfortable going to a restaurant with kids to look after and keep from running riot.”