THAT'S MEN: What causes postnatal depression in men asks PADRAIG O'MORAIN
I HAVE written here before about the often unrecognised occurrence of postnatal depression in men.
Last month, a particularly disturbing case was the subject of a trial in Bristol in England. A 36-year-old man charged with murdering his six-month-old daughter maintained that he was suffering from postnatal depression at the time. His defence was successful and he was acquitted.
Apparently computer records showed he had been trying to find ways on the internet of bonding with his baby. Later, he began to search for information on smothering a baby. It appears he had told his colleagues that he felt excluded by the relationship between mother and daughter.
The fact that he was looking up on the internet about how to smother his baby makes me wonder about his postnatal depression defence. On the other hand, depressed women have killed their children.
Still, the case highlighted research which suggests that about 10 per cent of fathers are affected by postnatal depression.
In a study in the US, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association,a team from the Eastern Virginia Medical School examined the findings of research on almost 30,000 parents in various countries.
They found that fathers were most likely to become depressed when the baby was between three and six months old. As you might expect, depression in the mother increased the likelihood of depression in the father.
Depression in mothers is more common than depression in fathers: about one mother in seven has postnatal depression, some studies suggest.
What brings about postnatal depression in men? For some, the responsibility of providing for an expanded family and a new child is daunting and frightening. For others, lack of sleep, if they have a crier, can contribute to depression. And others can feel excluded from the new relationship between mother and baby.
Among relationship counsellors, the birth of a child, especially the first child, is often seen as a crisis point in a relationship. Where there were two people, now there are three. Naturally, the mother is preoccupied with the baby. If the mother also believes the father is incompetent when it comes to changing nappies, bottle feeding or putting the baby to bed, the father can experience a growing sense of exclusion. Suddenly, his familiar world has been replaced by a world from which he is excluded.
This is an outcome of traditional attitudes. I know one woman who, attending antenatal classes in the 1970s, was advised that a husband “should not know there is a baby in the house”. I am sure antenatal classes today give a far different impression.
For more, take a look at this article on the BBC website: http://bbc.in/postnataldads
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In response to last week’s column about men who don’t conform to traditional stereotypes but who are just as much “real men” as those who do, a reader writes, delightfully: “My seven-year-old grandson had been in a spot of trouble and he was weeping. His twin sister went and fetched a tissue, and wiped away his tears. They fight as well, of course, but their mother was struck by their mutual love, tenderly expressed.
“Second story. The boy simply cannot go to sleep at night. After one of his trips to the living room to find diversion, his mother took him back to bed (again). His twin sister, who shares the room, was fast asleep as always, with one slender hand hanging over the side. My daughter pointed this out to him, and he said, ‘Yes, I’ve been petting and stroking it’.
“The parents are both intensely artistic; maybe this is responsible for the children’s sensitivities. But I would suggest that encouraging simple kindness, in all situations, isn’t a bad basis for family life. In maturity, this can become steadfast loving kindness, a grown-up attitude of the heart and the mind.”
PADRAIG O'MORAIN
(pomorain@ ireland.com) is a counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy