PSYCHOLOGIST Marie Murray says that it is important not to panic if your 11, 12, or 13 year old starts showing an interest in wearing fashions you think wildly unsuitable for a young girl. "They aren't doing anything bad; for them it's just the fashion of the moment, and at that age, they don't know what it means. But of course there is a real concern that these clothes will communicate a sexual message that the child is unaware of."
She believes it is important to talk straight to your daughter about why you're concerned about such clothes - but first of all, analyse your own emotions and get the reasons for your objections straight in your own head.
If part of the reason it bothers you is because it hurts to see your little girl growing up so fast, or because it makes you confront your own middle age, talk to friends, but get it out of the way. If you object on grounds of good taste, forget it: as far as she is concerned, it's unimportant what the clothes look like as long as they don't put your child at risk.
When you do talk to your daughter, make it clear you're talking from the point of view of love and concern for her safety. Explain gently, even to a girl as young as 11, that some clothes - say, a really short skirt with a really short top - will signify to some people that they're inviting sexual attention, and to some sick people, may even mean you're inviting attack. It's completely wrong, of course, and unfair, and of course, girls who are attacked are not in any way to blame. But unfortunately, at this point in history, it is the way some people think, and you will worry about them.
If you have a good relationship with your child, if you make it a habit to compliment them on the clothes you have no problem with, to build up their self esteem all the time, if your concern over these clothes is not just more of one long putdown, she may well listen to you.
Murray, who works with the adolescent unit at St Vincent's Psychiatric Hospital, Fairview, Dublin, says a lot of parents think they can keep their children safe by forbidding x, y, and z; but girls can easily get around the rules, it sets up a habit of deception, and you lose all hope of influencing what they wear.
When you've reached a compromise, be practical: both Murray and Nick Killian of the National Parents' Council advise that you shouldn't let your children walk to the disco, even in summer - and make sure that they are collected afterwards, so they are not exposed to banter and innuendo.