When a bit of religion dissolves in laughter

We're getting ready for Confession. Ciara says that the priest is going to dissolve her from her sins.

And why not? That's basically it anyway, as far as I'm concerned. Once they're gone, she's laughing. Anyway, religion has always been a bit of a laugh. Now, please put your outrage in your pocket for a minute while I elaborate. All I'm saying is that as far as pedantics are concerned, there is huge potential for humour with some of the mistakes that have been made in prayer. And not all out of the mouth of babes, either!

My mother used to get a chuckle out of an old fella from her area who used to "fly like a partridge to the holy mother of God". An out-of-body experience, or what? Mind-altering drugs are only in the ha'penny place beside a trip of this kind.

Mind you, school is a good collection-point for prayerful puns. "Our Father who walked in heaven . . ." An aerobically-fit deity or a restless God? He's probably trying to counteract the cholesterol problems caused by the constant aspirations of "The lard be with you" or all the side effects of being in a state of grease all the time.

I wonder did the "Blessed Verging" ever have problems with the "Immaculate Concession"?

And I too am not blameless, Lord. (Lard?) I stopped in mid-flow one day to question what I had just offered up in prayer. Maths were never my strong point, but I still couldn't quite explain why the Memorare would have to be distorted in such a way that I'd find myself saying ". . . that never was it known, that anyone who implored thy help or sought thy intersection" was left unaided. Leaving Cert students, take note.

My favourite one is not pedantic in nature, but I think it has to be a true classic all the same. My father got 50 years of laughs out of this incident that happened when he was a schoolboy. The teacher had read aloud a piece from the Bible, and then asked the class: "What did the lepers in the story die of?"

Quick as a flash, one of the lads put up his hand, and with the conviction that only comes from knowing your subject, announced: "Sir, they died of a Tuesday."