Anger can damage relationships, leave people emotionally hurt and scarred and close the door on communication within families. Becoming angry in the home rarely sorts out anything. If we have to use anger to get our own way, we haven't learned to control our feelings and to sort out situations in a way that benefits us and others. If we frequently find ourselves angry with others, it is time to look at what is happening.
Children who witness and are subjected to anger and quarrels often end up frustrated within themselves - and they model the type of behaviour which is used to control them. The obstinate, angry, defiant child in the home, class or playground is often merely acting out the type of treatment which they experience themselves.
Some parents are regularly angry in the home but pleasant and accommodating with others outside the home. Some teenagers constantly bicker and behave angrily at home but are models of good behaviour in school or friends' homes. Why do they choose this type of behaviour?
Anger can give us a sense of power and control, but it will only be temporary. If we have to use anger to control others ,they will eventually reject us. There is little hope of a healthy relationship where anger is present.
Anger is experienced by all of us at one time or another and we can deal with it in different ways: we can become enraged and attack others; we can drown the anger and build up resentments; we can be positive and constructive and look at the causes of our anger. We can examine what we can do to change a situation for the better and hopefully then lessen the hurt and suffering which is often caused by anger.
It is our ability to understand, to cope with and to manage our anger which will determine what effects, good or bad, our anger will have on ourselves or others.
If we are hurt or feel wronged we can make others aware of our feelings and our distaste for what is happening in a calm and assertive manner. However, if we do so in an angry manner we will most likely generate more anger and conflict.
We must not allow others to determine our response; we can choose a positive, constructive path to show our feelings, make our point of view known calmly and remember we may have to accept that others may not agree with us. In the home we can direct our energy, words and actions towards creating a healthy, communicative atmosphere - or we can have one of tension, discomfort and bad-feeling. If we are wrongly blamed by a spouse or a child, will giving vent to our anger help the situation? Even if you're totally right, is it not better to leave and get away from some situations? If you are found to be flexible in difficult situations, very often - in time - others will follow your lead. How often have we heard someone say: "If only I had thought first and controlled my anger I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now." This suggests that we do have a choice - we can control our anger if we choose to do so.
The parent who manages anger badly and rages at members of the family displays a lack of control and is heading for problems with children. We can be strong enough and sensible enough in our dealings with others to direct our energy away from anger. Using anger to control within the family is the enemy of responsibility.
