Bono ripe for sainthood

Most reasonable people will lament the lack of a State honours system to reward high-achievers like U2. But at the risk of adding to the hype that currently surrounds the band, I believe there is an opportunity here for the churches to fill the gap by initiating the process, straightaway, of making Bono a saint.

This is a radical proposal, I know. Bono might not even want the position, although I think he could be persuaded to see it as a fitting climax to the Elevation (hint, hint) world tour. He is a committed Christian after all, and famous for his good works. Not to mention the fact that he's already done more preaching than the 12 apostles combined.

If nothing else, U2 have served the church by not leading the youth of Ireland astray, the direction traditionally favoured by rock bands. The worst they can be accused of is a series of bad-hair decisions during the 1980s, a time of general lapse in this regard. Their repeated refusal to trash hotel bedrooms is a source of embarrassment within the music industry, and their behaviour has rubbed off on fans. The low incidence of drug-related activity at Slane last week, for example ("Mickey Mouse," one Garda called it ), would have shamed many other rock groups.

In this supplement recently, a US psychotherapist wrote that "people all over the world are looking to Ireland for its reservoir of spirituality, hoping to siphon off what they can". This provoked some cynicism in the letters page, with some correspondents suggesting that reservoir levels were dangerously low already; and that, never mind foreigners siphoning it off, members of the public here should avoid running baths, etc, or spirituality might have to be rationed.

But as everything from the visit of St ThΘrΦse's relics (the Veneration tour, as it were) to the All-Ireland Gaelic Football Championship shows, Irish spirituality is not yet extinct. I mention the football, because in the promotional trailers for its coverage, RT╔ used a gospel song, "Down to the River to Pray". A strange choice, and yet it caught the flavour of a season that has seen the demise of the Old Testament-style championship in which, once you smote your enemies they stayed smitten, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth; in favour of a more loving, merciful system in which defeated teams have a chance to be born again.

Well, 80,000 fans went down to the River Boyne to pray last week. And during his sermon, Bono told the multitudes that although we lived on a small island, we were a big people, "bigger than bigotry, bigger than racism, bigger than our past". To which the crowd responded, roughly speaking: "Hallelujah." But standing there on the hillside in Slane, you couldn't help reflect on that past. It was, after all, in this same village, albeit on a different hill, that St Patrick announced the arrival of Christianity in Ireland by lighting a fire, in contravention of the planning laws. As he intended, the fire could be seen on the Hill of Tara by King Laoghaire, who had exclusive fire-lighting rights for the surrounding area. The angry king confronted the saint, but after a display of "magic" was converted, and the rest was history (or a mixture of history and myth, to be exact).

There were no fires during last week's concert - that whole Slane fire thing got out of hand a few years ago - but there was a fireworks display, and "magic" was the only word for it. Meanwhile, fans celebrated the ancient tradition by holding lighters aloft (while a nervous Henry Mountcharles looked on). And with almost scary historical resonance, the modern High King of Ireland, Bertie Ahern, was among those in attendance - a convert to the band's cause, having amended the planning laws to facilitate today's second concert.

Which brings me back to my point: Bono's long overdue reward. As I say, canonisation would be a bold step. It would involve bending a few of the Vatican's rules, which currently state that a candidate must be Catholic, five years dead, and the cause of proven miracles.

But once up and running (Cliff Richard and Daniel O'Donnell are other obvious candidates for future consideration), the living saint arrangement could work like the UN's special-ambassador system, with obvious benefits for both parties.

Being a saint might be a burden, but I think Bono could get used to it. After all, a well-known friend of his is already known jocularly as "Saint Bob" as a result of his charitable works.

Unfortunately, the former Boomtown Rats singer would seem to fall down, on certain key criteria, for actual sainthood. I re-read his autobiography recently and if even half of it is true, he needs to get down to the river to pray, fast.

fmcnally@irish-times.ie