How agreeable are you?
As a diplomat, agreeability is really one of the virtues of getting stuff done. We’re there to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative, to build common ground, and to seek agreement where otherwise there could be conflict. There’s an old saying: A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell, and you actually look forward to the journey.
What is your middle name and what do you think of it?
Bernard is my middle name. I was named after my grandparents, whom I never met: Patrick Reilly, my paternal grandfather, and Bernard Kelly, my maternal grandfather. I don’t have a direct emotional connection to my middle name, but it reminds me of my ancestry, of which I am proud.
Where is your favourite place in Ireland?
My favourite place in Ireland is Co Mayo. Halfway between Castlebar and Ballina, Nephin is the highest standalone mountain in Ireland, and is where my dad grew up. You can stand above Glen Nephin on the Windy Gap and look down on Nephin and Lough Conn, and it has the most stunning views. I have cousins near Westport, they live in Murrisk, at the foot of Croagh Patrick, which is another spectacular part of the world. I intend to take my son there in August to climb it. He doesn’t know about it yet, but that’s what we’ll be doing.
Describe yourself in three words.
Positive, resilient, curious. Curiosity is a good virtue to have as a diplomat. I inherited positivity from my dad. I’m definitely a glass-mostly-full person. Resilience? I’ve had setbacks like everybody else, but I just get on with it.
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When did you last get angry?
If you mean losing my temper, I genuinely can’t recall. If by angry you mean frustrated and impatient… Well, over the last year, I’ve moved house, job, and country, and I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to register my UK car in Ireland, which is a much more frustrating process than it should be. When it comes to anger, I’m a fairly calm person, and I try to avoid things like doom scrolling or getting sucked into social media, which I think in some ways is designed to make you angry.
What have you lost that you would like to have back?
Both my parents have passed away. As I mentioned, my father was from Mayo. My mother was from Roscommon. They emigrated separately to Manchester in the late 50s, met up there and married. I was born there and brought up with my sister, and it’s a shame that they’re not here to see me return as a British diplomat, and to see how Ireland has changed from the time they left in 1958, which was the highest year for Irish immigration to the UK. I think my parents would be very proud and very pleased to see me working on what is such a strong relationship between Ireland and Britain. I think my dad knew the father of the Oasis brothers, Noel and Liam Gallagher. The Gallaghers lived in Burnage, which is where my mother’s sister lived, and my dad had a brother in Stretford, which is where Morrissey grew up.
What is your strongest childhood memory?
My strongest memory was when I was 10, and my sister was nine. My mother died. For as long as we could remember, she had been ill, so it wasn’t unexpected, but it was still a big shock. I remember it was the only time I saw my father cry. I’ve got lots of positive childhood memories, of course. I enjoyed school and coming to Ireland every year for the summer holidays. That was always a fantastic thing to look forward to.
Where do you come in your family’s birth order, and has this defined you?
I’m the eldest of two, and I’ve got a sister who is a year younger. I don’t think it’s defined either of us, although I don’t know what my sister would say about that!
What do you expect to happen when you die?
I’d be pleasantly surprised if there’s an afterlife, but if it came to that, I’d hope that I would be allowed through the pearly gates. I suspect that what happens to us after we die is very similar to what happens to us before we’re born – that life is just a glimmer between two eternities. I was raised a Catholic and was quite religious in my younger days. I went to Catholic schools until I went to university, where I studied philosophy. Once I started reading a little bit of Voltaire and things like that, my religious sensibilities faded away.
When were you happiest?
I’ve been lucky with my family, friends, and loved ones, and it may be nostalgia, but I was happy at secondary school. When I look back on my life, I think they were really good moments. I played lots of rugby, and I was hanging around with mates trying to get into the Hacienda at weekends. I grew up in Manchester in the late 80s, so there was a lot going on. University opened up intellectual horizons, and at that age, I think you are carefully optimistic about the future. That optimism has proven to be justified because I’m very happy with my job, family and friends.
Which actor would play you in a biopic about your life?
I think John Hurt would make a good go of it. He’s played a few civil-servant types in his career, and he was also a Doctor Who, which was a television character hero of mine when I was a boy. Of course, he played Quentin Crisp in The Naked Civil Servant, but his Doctor Who role is the one I think of when I think of him. He was such a versatile actor.
What is your biggest career/personal regret?
I don’t have any regrets, but I do think about some what-if or sliding-door moments, particularly in the diplomatic service, because our jobs are so entwined with our personal and family lives. When I joined the diplomatic service in the mid-90s, if I’d got my wish, I would have learned Russian and gone to Moscow. However, there were no jobs in Moscow at that time. I ended up going to South Africa by luck more than anything else. I came to Ireland for the first time about 20 years ago because a vacancy came up at short notice, and I went to New Zealand because a job came up.
Have you any psychological quirks?
A couple of years ago, somebody described me as a gregarious introvert, which sounds a bit odd, but actually is a spot-on description of me. I’m definitely an introvert. I take my energy from within, and I’m quite happy with my own company. But I’m also sociable. One aspect I like about my job is meeting new people, people with different views of the world, and trying to understand how they see things.
In conversation with Tony Clayton-Lea
